Sleep Deprived and Worried

So I am sitting here at 5:40 AM typing this while the rest of my family sleeps. Abby was awake at 3:30 AM and up for about an hour. I wasn't up with her, Steve was. Then the hour later, Steve comes to bed but then he gets up again? "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I ask. "It's snowing and I have to move the van, I left it on the road, just in case the plows come, I'm going to pull it in the drive" Ugh...so at 4:30, I was left unable to sleep while he snores away peacefuly :( I wish I had that skill to be able to get back to sleep, or even lay in bed and doze. But it is something that eludes me. Always has, it's one of the reasons why Steve is the one to get up with the kids (that and I usually sleep like a rock)

I also have to say, that now is a time that I really need to rely on God. I'm a worrier, there's no two ways about it. This month we've had 2 unexpected, rather hefty bills come, one for repair on our van and the other for custody stuff with Justus. Normally I wouldn't be overly worried about it, but we leave in a month for our trip (the trip of a lifetime), and those bills almost completely depleted our SAVINGS for the trip. We also need to start thinking about the week in March for me to go to Kitchener for the training. Hotel, food AND the harness stuff. Just goes to show you that the best laid plans, aren't usually all that good afterall.

Needless to say, I know that God has a plan, I know that everything should be ok. But I'm worrying. It keeps me awake at night, and my mind races during the day. Why do I care so much about this? Why is it that money has become such a factor in so many peoples lives (including my own)? Why has our society become SOOO dependent on such material things??? God's always provided for us in the past, but how easily I forget in times like this. I think I just need a good swift kick in the rear end!

This Friday is my MRI, and that isn't helping my worrying at all. I just really want some answers, and I'm feeling abit apprehensive about this, considering how the neurologist treated me back at the beginning of the month. I know that I don't have the stamina to do the things I once did. The exhaustion is something that I just struggle to deal with. I've been having a lot of cognitive trouble as well as of late, and it just feels like such a "hidden" illness. I mean, I look ok right now on the outside, no serious physical markers, but will that always be? Will I always have to live in this unknown state??? I sure hope not, because I know I can't sit here much longer and not have answers. It doesn't help your physical or emotional state when you are worried about the outcome.

So please pray for us. Pray for the weeks and months ahead.