Writing

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a much darker writer than my counterpart Steve. I'm writing a short story for school, and I read him the first few paragraphs, and his response was "wow, hmmm, ok, not what I was expecting plot wise." LOL. Steve is the happy, go lucky writer, I'm the dark, depressing one. I think Steve may see a new side to me in this process.
I've always been drawn to heavier peices, no gruesome stuff, just darker themes. It intrigues me. Life and emotion throughout, they still ring true but darker. Family battles, inward struggles, you name it...I eat it up.
The story I'm writing now probably won't be for my assignment, rather just for my portfolio. But it's kind of fun. It's been since high school since I've written a fictional short. It's exciting! Took me awhile to figure out what to write, but now that it's figured out, I'm loving it.

First Assignment

Today I sat down to write for the first time in a very long time. I find it invigorating. I love the way words come to the forefront of my mind, and I'm just able to put down on paper how I feel. It's always been a strong suit of mine, and I'm thankful for the gift. I love to especially write poetry. This is the first unit I chose, seeing as I'm just getting back into school after a very long hiatus.
I was inspired by Emma for this poem, it's not how I think she'll feel, but just by the whole situation. It's not the final draft, so please be gentle. I'd love to hear feedback if you've got any!

Lost and Found

Cooing from the cradle
Quiet stirrings bring
Bittersweet emotion
Loving everything

Such a pretty princess
Dainty little hands
Secrets hiding underneath
It is the master plan

Growing up to girlhood
Testing waters edge
Demanding conversation
Will it never end

Questions far from answered
Longings left unmet
Loneliness ensuing
Abandonment regrets

Honesty is chosen
Truth wins out again
Memories come flooding
Realizations begin

Relationships rekindled
Forgiveness freely given
Past is left behind
Life renewed again

Introducing Emma Grace

Emma Grace was born on May 15th at 4 AM. She weighs in at 5 lbs 5 oz, and is a little doll-faced wonder. She is also the newest addition to the Bedard household. She is Justus' biological sister. We are the proud parents of 4 kids now!!

For those of you who are completely shocked by this news, please be assured that you are not the only ones. We found out that Kelly was pregnant not that long ago, maybe 2 months. Kelly had always planned to put her up for adoption, and it wasn't until yesterday morning that Steve and I made our final decision. Kelly was just as suprised as everyone else when we offered to take Emma into our home.

I've had dreams about her, which is how she got her name. Everything has fallen so neatly into place, and I must say that I feel so blessed to be able to welcome another child into our family. This is the end of the road for expansion though...no more additions unless they are of the fish or animal kind! It's always been a dream of mine to adopt a sibling group, and feel blessed that Justus and Emma are the ones who will be ours.

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride of emotions this last few days. For those of you who feel inclined to pray, please do so. Both for Emma and for Kelly. I have great admiration for a woman who can put herself and her feelings aside and to do what is best for her child. While I do know that Kelly has made mistakes, let me be the first one to say that I'm proud of her (and all the other moms out there) for making that sacrificial decision to give her child(ren) over to someone else.

Taking the Plunge

I've just registered for a certificate program through Mohawk College. I have to admit that I'm SOOO excited about it (with some apprehension too!). I'll be doing Writing for Publication. There are some projects rolling around in my head that I'd really like to see come to fruition, but before that happens I think I should polish up on my skills a bit. I've been thinking about doing freelance work as well.
This program goes through the publishing process, gets you to do both fiction and non-fictional work. I will be taking it slow, 3 courses per year (2.5 years). Justus will be heading off to JK soon after that (not that I want to think about it!!), and then I'll really be able to hunker down and work on some of these projects that I'd like to do.

Something to think about

I read this somewhere online and I must admit, it really touched my heart. As a parent of children with special needs, I'm very aware of the social stigma's against people like my kids. I wish that I would have the opportunity to thank this courageous young person for saying what needed to be said. I'm proud of him!

In Such an Era of Political Correctness, Why is the Word "Retard" Still OK?
Dateline: 4/24/2007
23 April 2007

Soeren Palumbo is a senior honors student at Fremd High School in Wheeling, Illinois, and big brother to Olivia. During Writer's Week (in March 2007), he gave the following speech to a gymnasium full of his high school peers and faculty and received a standing ovation.



"I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialogue between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender.

So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, "Oh my gaw! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!" The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, N*gro! You missed a spot!" The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls - hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it's your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That's the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch 'em in the face.

Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves. What then, could be worse than racism?

Look around you and thank God that we don't live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school, hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you.

Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves, the only ones around you without the ability to defend themselves. Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a "retard."

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I'll tell you that it didn't happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn't the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn't the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn't it?).

The girl didn't say "hey N*gro." There was no black person.

It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was "Hey retard." I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don't understand why we use the word; I don't think I ever will.

In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok? Why do we allow it? Why don't we stop using the word? Maybe students can't handle stopping - I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don't think the adults, here can either.

Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or n$gger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have.

That's what I thought. Clearly, this obviously isn't a problem contained within our age group.

So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped.

I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her Cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago.

She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don't notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, "Good morning, Olivia." She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, "Good morning, Soeren," and goes back to her Cheerio's.

I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. "What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?" She looks up again. "Gonna see Mista Bee!" she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking.

She finishes her Cheerio's and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7 o'clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school.

And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can't help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The "retard rocket." No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some "adult's" joke.

By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate.

It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "retard," before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "retard". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them.

If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of us will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "retarded."

Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren't being locked in their family's basement anymore.

The mentally handicapped aren't rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn't ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn't choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of "higher education." I only hope that, one day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that, someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I love her. I love you, Olivia.

Soeren Palumbo

What's your Dosha?

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's Your Dosha?

Logan and Milo

I was so excited to receive these pictures today! They are of Logan's first hookup with Milo. He was such a trooper that day. I think even Cathy was suprised at how well the two of them did connected.

The last walk we had was a bit more challenging, in that Logan was in a HORRIBLE mood and kept darting away....but Milo did exactly what he was supposed to do. He sat down and held his ground, and when given the command forward, off he went, encouraging Logan along. It was a good learning time for me. I was glad though that it was on our quiet dead end road and not some busy street in a big town.

Overall I am so pleased with the process. I wasn't sure what I'd think being a dog owner, but it's really great. Milo is a great companion to everyone in the house, and he knows just who he's supposed to be with. I'm proud of Logan and Abby and how they've taken to him. I am looking forward to next Monday when Abby is hooked up to Milo. Then we'll really see how things go.

Biking for Dummies!

I've been wanting a bike for a couple of years now, so today we went out and bought one. I'm really happy with it, but I think it might take some work to get me fully ready to ride lol~A steep learning curve for sure! It's been at least 15 years since I've taken a bike ride, so I'm going to ease myself into it.

It was on a really easy gear, and it totally took me off guard so I nearly fell off when I went to peddle, a good thing I have quick reflexes!! Not as quick as Steve's camera ability though. Oh well, something for the memory books. I made Steve take it for a ride to get it into an easier gear, and then everying slowly started coming back. Still will take awhile. I've never really understood why I needed 21 gears anyway, but I'll do some reading to figure all this out. I'm such a loser sometimes. :)

Phew, glad that's over!!!

Well, today was the BIG day. I had the public access test with Milo in Barrie this morning. I was so proud of him. I wasn't sure how he'd do, considering we haven't been out much, only once or twice a week. But it was all old habit for him. I am breathing much easier tonight. I wasn't sure how he'd do. He's been stealing the kids food that's dropped from the table, so I was afraid he might go after the hamburger during the food portion, but he didn't :D It helped that my hand was in the pocket that HE knew the treats were in LOL. I'm not a mother for nothing, I know the tricks.
Now next May, I'll do it again. :) But I think by then I'll be really comfortable with it all...or at least I should be. We'll do it yearly until Milo's retirement.

Witnessing

So, on my bus ride home from Welland yesterday, I eavesdropped on an interesting conversation between the bus driver and another woman on the bus. They were talking about their life experiences, and the woman started talking about an injury she experienced years ago which left her with a bad back. As they talked some more, the driver, not so casually, brought up Christianity and healing etc...He began to witness to her, told her about his story and how he became a Christian. Asked her if she was born again. She said yes. Asked her if she went to church, she said no. So, here is where I found the conversation to go a bit uncomfortable. In one breath the driver says, you don't have to go to church or anything...a few moments later, he's saying she does, inviting her out to his church, and really badgering her to find a "home". Also asked her why she didn't have her back prayed for because "it's as simple as asking and you receive healing", even though HE had never been healed himself!

I suppose I'm about to contradict myself, but I personally don't believe anyone HAS to go to church in order to be a believer. Scripture states that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Christ died for your sins, you are saved. Do I think it's a good idea to go to church, absolutely! BUT I don't think it is a necessary thing for your salvation. (The contradiction comes because I'm married to a pastor, and probably should believe that everyone must go to church). I honestly believe that those are the "grey areas" of faith, the areas in which we must decide what is best for our own personal faith. There are certain rules everyone must follow...but I don't believe it is in our hands to decide whether or not someone else goes to church, we are responsible for what WE do. I think if we know and love someone, and they ask for our opinions then we can offer what our experiences are...NOT before and certainly not to a stranger. Now, I don't know this man's heart, and maybe this is exactly what this woman needed, I don't know. I just know that as a "fly on the wall" I was uncomfortable.

As for the healing stuff, that also bothered me. I have encountered people in my walk who have said things that hurt me pretty badly. Saying that I don't have enough faith to heal my kids, or to get through certain circumstances in my life. I do not believe that everyone is or should be healed. Sometimes we have an ailment that we are meant to live with, even Paul had "thorn in his flesh". We don't know what that was, but it most certainly was something he lived with. Why then is there this belief that ALL will be healed? I have seen so much GOOD come of the kids "ailment". I've seen both myself and Steve grow as people, I've learned so much about the heart of God. Going through some of my physical issues in the last 6 months has certainly taught me to rely on God, knowing that He is guiding me has helped.

I just don't know what to do with all this. On one hand, I understood where this man was coming from, he was exuberant about his faith and wanted to share it with others but as an onlooker, I also saw how uncomfortable the woman was. Do we witness at any cost, or do we watch body language of those we are talking to? Is witnessing always that bold or is a quiet witness sometimes needed?? Can we as Christians ever cross the line? Do we ever open our mouths when really we need to shut up and live?

These are all issues we as Christians struggle with. I know I've hand countless conversations with others about this very topic. It's time for Christians to step out of their corner and share their faith for sure, but I'm not sure I'd ever be comfortable with the approach this guy took. When she agreed that she was born again (she believed that Christ died on the cross for her sins), I'm not sure how I felt about him pestering her into church or chastizing her for not praying for healing. Am I wrong to be uncomfortable? I don't know.