Ramblings of a Mother

New Year, New Blog!

2008-01-08T17:59:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone!
I have a new blog...I decided to switch things up a bit...so here's the new addy.

www.ramblingsofamother.wordpress.com

Goodbye 2007! Welcome 2008!

2008-01-02T08:50:00.001-05:00

2007 was another year of great change for our family: some expected, some not. First our awesome vacation (that feels more like it was 4 years ago) and the taxi ride from NYC to Buffalo!! Then just a week later, Milo finally arriving. It's been such an adventure with him. At the close of 2007 I believe we're in a better place with him, he knows us better and we know him better. In May, the whirlwind of taking in Emma. Never in a million years would I have believed (even on May 14th) that on May 15th we'd add another child to the fold. I will admit in the final hours of 2007, I leaned over to Steve and whispered in his ear... "No more additions next year!" We beat our record and have been in this house longer than anywhere else in our entire marriage! It was a year of tremendous blessing and provision.

As I look to 2008 I feel excitement to see where God will take us this year. There is so much new in our lives, and as I watch all the kids grow and develop I marvel at the complexity of their creation. It's humbling to know that we have 4 kids, and yet here were are, learning to parent again. Our experience with Logan and Abby was so different, not better or worse, just different: to parent Justus and Emma will be a whole new ride. They have totally different modes of learning. It's helping in how we communicate and interact with Logan and Abby. It's made us better people.

It is hard to believe that Steve and I will be married 8 years. It's even harder to believe that Steve is going to be 40 this year!! (bring on the midlife crisis). I'm anticipating great things of what God will do for Steve and I. I feel like we're going into a new chapter of our lives, I'm not sure how to articulate it, but I really believe we're going deeper, into uncharted territory. It's exciting. I love Steve so much, and I think it's neat that after 12 years we're still learning things about each other.

I also believe that for myself, I'm going somewhere better. I feel a certain peace about things, peace with who I am, the woman I am becoming. Maybe I'm finally growing up. I never realized how much a person can evolve over such a short period of time. I hope to find more of me this year, to know more of what God has gifted me with. I want to be a better woman, a better wife, a better mother this year.

So I welcome 2008 with open arms.

The Evil Eye

2008-01-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-30T11:01:00.000-05:00

Well, there has been a lull in the blogging for a reason. Christmas has come and gone: we enjoyed a wonderful visit with Steve's mom and my family, ate some great turkey, opened many gifts...oh and wait one more thing....we got the flu :( The whole family, all 6 of us!!!! It started Christmas Eve, and continued on and is still going on today. This was the first time that Steve and I have been sick at the same time, and I hope and pray that never happens again. I'm really ready for this bug to leave the house, and I hope we don't ring in the New Year with it. It has been a very long exhausting week! I hope to enjoy the second half of the kids break from school significantly more than this week.
I hope that your Christmas was filled with lots of great memories! All the best for 2008!!! God bless!

Bible History told by Children!!

2007-12-23T06:30:00.000-05:00

In case you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our junior
church students help you with this complete overview of the Bible, compiled
from their essays:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I
think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!'
and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven
from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because
they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of
his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and
some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some
pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.

Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh
after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included
frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day
with manicotti. Then He gave them His top ten Commandments. These include
don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible
uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it
sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of
one more: Humor they father and they mother. One of Moses' best helpers was
Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle
of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise
to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New
Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you
born in a barn' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.').

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees
and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums.The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on
trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just
washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is
foretold in the book of Revolution.

The 12 Days of Christmas!!

2007-12-14T11:13:00.000-05:00

What a Week!

2007-12-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

This week has been incredibly difficult for me as a mother. Logan was having some trouble on the bus, and this week it has exploded into a huge mess! I won't go into a lot of details, but let's just say I'm pretty disappointed with the bus company and in particular the bus driver. There have been some unacceptable things happening on the bus, and judgement calls made by the driver that have made that momma bear instinct come right to the playing field. Thankfully the school is 100% behind us and are working towards a solution to the problem. Hopefully by the end of this, we'll have some order back to our lives, and Logan can once again be happy on the bus.

It is so difficult to know how to react and advocate for Logan when he is non-verbal. He can't say all that's happened, but his behaviour is speaking volumes, and that is what is stressing me out. For those of you who know Logan well, you'll know that when he cries or is upset, the whole world will cry with him. He's just such a happy guy, so when something hurts him, it hurts everyone. This week has been very difficult not only for me, but for him too, and that is what concerns me the most.

I will admit that I don't handle stress well. I can step up to the plate and do what needs to be done, but it manifests itself in other ways. This week it has shown itself as insomnia which in turn has given me a migraine that's lasted 5 days now with no reprieve. I need relief from all of this. It's just been so hard to see him like this.

Funny how a good week can turn into a mess so quickly. Last week I was praying for an easy week because I was having trouble watching Justus and Emma develop and move on from the stages they were in, and now this week, I am longing to deal with that again. That is all so much easier than this. That was all good stress, this week is very bad stress and I've just had enough!

'Birds and the Bees' Talk

2007-12-08T07:44:00.000-05:00

We got this little story in our inbox this morning, and I thought it was too funny not to post. Probably in bad taste, but I still thought it was worth sharing.

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You got Male!'

My Reflections

2007-12-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

One of the things about having kids close together is a lot of milestones happen all at once. We found this with Logan and Abby, who are 17 months apart. We're now finding it's the same with Justus and Emma; they are only 13 months apart.

A few days ago I wrote about Justus' escaping to freedom and tonight I find myself sharing something I'm not sure I'm ready for. Emma has gone mobile. Earlier in the day Steve asked me if I had moved Emma; at the time I didn't think too much of it, I figured she just rolled over. Fast forward to our playtime after dinner. We are all in the family room (which at this point is just one big empty room) and what do I see but Emma DRAGGING herself over to a toy. I thought, WOW, that's pretty amazing. But then she continued to do it most of the evening and my amazement turned to a bit of uncertainty. Add to this momentous occasion the fact that she's starting to sit up on her own a lot more, and is catching herself from falling...that's a whole lot of new for one week!

I must admit that at this moment, (after the kids are in bed and I'm reflecting on a long and exhausting week), I'm feeling a bit emotional. With everything that happened during the first year of Abby's life (My recovering from the accident, and the process of Logan's diagnosis etc), I didn't remember how quickly these stages pass. I think it's even more pronounced because of both Logan and Abby's delays. But as I look back on the kids stages of life, I'm sad to see the end of Emma's life as we know it. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO excited to see her development on track, but there is a small part of me that kind of wishes that I'd be able to enjoy that cute cuddly baby stage a little longer, this is the LAST one after all (I promise!). From my experience with all of the others, once they went mobile, they weren't interested in staying with me very long.

So tonight I say goodbye to that infant stage, I'm letting go. I will embrace whatever life brings in the next stage, and take it by the horns as much as I have this stage. I feel so blessed to have the 4 kids that I do have. They have all taught me such different things, and I love what they offer this family. I love watching the friendships develop between the kids, and I'm excited to see what Emma will offer as she gets older. The one common bond between all of the kids is their love for life, they all approach it so enthusiastically, all from different angles but brimming with life.

This is the end of an emotional week, and I'm praying fervently that next week will be status quo. I'm needing a few weeks of 'calm' (hahahaha) during the holidays so that in 2008, we can start fresh! Boy I don't ask for much, calm in a house of 4 kids with a pastor for a husband around the busiest season of our life...I sure do aim for the stars, don't I?

Exciting Day!

2007-12-07T08:36:00.001-05:00

I am so excited this morning! I woke up to find my story published on the Soul Supporter website. This is the first time I've been published, but I will also be published next month in an online literary journal. I don't often talk about myself, but for me, this is a huge accomplishment and one that I HAVE to share! I have always enjoyed writing, and am looking forward to my next course in the college program I'm taking. Hopefully this is the beginning of many things to come. :)

Evidence of Snow Day

2007-12-05T09:16:00.000-05:00

Updates from the House of Procrastination

2007-12-05T06:56:00.000-05:00

Well, I survived my operation. I am two weeks post-op and everything went beautifully. I spent a week and a few days with my parents, with Emma joining me after the first couple of days. I was anxious to get home, and as always overdid it when I got home, but overall I'm doing well. No complaints coming from me because recovery was easier than the attacks. My only wish would be that Justus STOP using me as a ladder, it's just not comfortable to have little toes in places where a GALLBLADDER just came out of!

Yesterday morning I heard a bit of a thump downstairs (every mothers nightmare, since Justus was downstairs 'napping' at the time.) It was followed by a brief cry and as I was heading downstairs to find out what it was, I heard the dreaded pitter-patter of little toddler feet on the floor, hysterical laughter following. My heart sank that very moment! Justus was a free boy and he knew it, and I knew in that moment the days of his sleeping in a crib were over. You see, he's not a 'oh, how did I do that?' kind of boy, he's been WORKING at it!! So yesterday afternoon was spent Justus' proofing the boys room. Then comes the dreaded FIRST NIGHT in a bed, no crib rails-no nothing, freedom at any moment HE chooses. Thankfully last night, he chose to stay in his bed and sleep :) Our little man is growing up!

The last two days have been SNOW days in our house, no school. Well, the schools were open, but we chose NOT to send the kids. It looked VERY nasty, so we spent our days playing outside in the snow and watching movies. We had a Shrek marathon, all 3 movies back to back. The kids had fun, laughing, chasing each other and fighting over toys. Today I must admit though, I'm very glad to see school return. I am ready for a quiet house. We don't have much furniture upstairs right now (it was sent away to get repaired, our 5 month old furniture, but that's another story!) so the upstairs ECHO is quite loud, add Abby's squealing as well as Justus' imitation of it, and you don't have a very quiet house...so this morning will be quiet since Justus will be napping, as will Emma. A whole hour to myself...oh the joys and bliss those moments will bring, sipping on a hot chai tea (courtesy of my good friend Lindsay in Calgary!) and drinking in the silence of the few moments I do have. Well, that's the hope anyway, given the above paragraph speaks of my toddler in a BED, it's not a given like it would've been say yesterday or the day before! A mother can always pray!

Christmas is quickly approaching, and I have a confession to make; for some reason this year, I'm not overly keen to decorate or anything else for that matter. This is strange for me, considering I'm usually one of those people, you know, the ones that can't wait for Halloween to be over so I can put up my tree and decorations. This year though, I have no motivation. Part of it is probably the fact that I'm recovering from surgery, the other part is I know if I decorate too much or too early, it'll all get destroyed because my kids are notorious for wrecking things. But I just have no motivation, maybe sometime soon I'll find it. I'm kind of running out of time because Christmas is just 20 days away!! Steve doesn't complain, I'm sure he wouldn't care at all if we had decorations up. He's just not that kind of guy. Maybe this year we'll have an undecorated house, or we'll put up the tree on Christmas Eve and take it down on Boxing day. I'm joking of course, but there is part of me that is tempted!

Well, I think that's enough for now. I hope this blog finds you all well, and that YOU are embracing the Christmas Spirit.

Going Under

2007-11-21T06:23:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that I go to have my gallbladder removed. It's my first time having surgery, so I'm a bit (read ALOT) nervous this morning. I'm sure that everything will go well, and I'll do just fine...but I'm afraid of the General Anaesthetic. I hate the feeling of being out of control. My other issues this morning are the fact that it's dry in my house, and I woke up PASTY in my mouth. I'm pretty sure I'll be swishing my mouth with water all morning...I have to be at the hospital at 8 AM. I'm sure Steve will update on his blog, or I'll ask him to comment on this to let you know how I made out.

Happy Birthday Steve

2007-11-20T14:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Steve,
Just a message to let you know how much I love you. We may have our bumps along the way, but I'd rather have a bumpy road with you than live my life without you. (I almost wrote "I'd rather have a bumpy road without you then live my life with you...OOPS) I pray that this year will be gracious to you, that you will see some dreams fulfilled, and that you will feel truly blessed. Looking forward to what this next year holds for us. Love you hon! xoxoxoxo
Love,
Amanda

Ironicly Funny

2007-11-17T10:06:00.000-05:00

This week I had a meeting with the school to discuss the kids Individual Education Plan. At this meeting, I also got some great feedback from their classroom teachers and how the kids are adapting into the classroom. This is too great not to share.

Logan does a great job in class, he is following most of the classroom routine with very little modification for him. During math class there was a substitute teacher who happened to be the learning resource teacher who Logan is quite familiar with. Logan normally stays pretty quiet through the lessons, but because he was so familiar with this teacher, and it was SO out of the ordinary for her to be in this roll, my son actually disrupted the lesson. Of all the kids to get in trouble for back-talking, IT WAS LOGAN!!! I never thought I'd reach the day that I was actually proud of Logan for back-talking. Now please don't misunderstand, he wasn't being rude or mean or anything of the sort, he was just repeating back VERY loudly everything the teacher was saying. It did my heart good to know that Logan has come far enough that he can get in trouble for something that we never really anticipated him to get in trouble for! Oh the things that I can rejoice over. Another thing to add to the list of unexpected triumphs.

Please remember Abby's teacher in your thoughts, in regards to getting used to Abby. I think it will be difficult for any teacher who has had Logan first, being very used to what his behaviours are, to be suddenly confronted with his complete polar opposite the following year. Don't get me wrong, she really likes Abby, and Abby is doing well but she is a very different child from Logan. When you don't have a tremendous amount of experience with autism, and the first couple of children who you do encounter are siblings who are as opposite as can be, it's going to be difficult but rewarding journey.

Prayer

2007-11-11T07:45:00.000-05:00

My aunt sent me a forward this morning, and while I don't usually send things on, I thought I'd like to post it on my blog.

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

We never do things easy!

2007-11-10T21:34:00.000-05:00

Well, today wasn't a total disaster, but it wasn't at all what we expected either. We got some pictures, but we forgot a lot of stuff, so it'll be for another weekend that we try family pictures. Here's a few from today, that we did take. Justus and Emma were napping, so it was only 4 of us.

Picture Day

2007-11-10T11:06:00.000-05:00

Today we are heading off to Chesley to have our pictures taken....can I just say that this is my least favourite day of the whole year!!! Trying to get 4 kids, 2 adults and 1 dog to all look in the same general direction, matching fairly well, and NOT freaking out, drooling, snotting or whatever else may happen, you get the idea. I am sure by the end of the day I will have had enough, and thrown the towel in...but I'm hoping for at least 1 nice picture out of the bunch. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe, but a mother can dream!

The Golden Compass

2007-11-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

I was reading Ben Witherington and his take on the Golden Compass movie which is based on Phillip Pullmans trilogy "His Dark Materials". I read the trilogy over my vacation in Calgary and I must say that I really enjoyed the books. They are a great work of sci/fi, and it really got one thinking about religion on a whole. While Pullmans take on it was from an atheistic point of view, I believe it gives insights to Christians as well. He attacks many areas of the Christian church in the book that I myself am ashamed of.

Ben (as if I can be on 1st name basis of someone I don't know!) cautions parents not to bring their kids to see the movie because Phillip Pullman is an atheist and the book is very much anti religion and it will not point towards the "true north". I have been thinking about it all morning and I really disagree with this stance. I believe for too long parents have sheltered their kids from so many things, it tends to make the kids rebel and isolates them from their peers. Instead of not taking the kids, why not take them and use it as a teaching opportunity? I'm of a very strong belief that we must teach our kids about our faith, but running from anything that disagrees with our faith...that's taking it a step too far for me. There was so much buzz around the Harry Potter series a few years ago in Christian circles, and I fear the same thing will happen with this. Although the books were written a number of years ago, they are sure to gain some popularity again with the movie coming out.

Why do Christians feel the need to flee from anything that is different from their beliefs? I want for my kids to have the knowledge to make the decision on their own, of course it's my prayer and desire that they choose our faith, it's our responsibility to demonstrate to our kids what being a Christian is all about. But didn't Jesus hang out with those different from him? Wasn't it him who befriended prostitutes? Didn't have have dinner with tax-collectors? I really believe that we have made a very poor decision by isolating ourselves from the rest of the world. I honestly believe we'd do our kids a better service by showing love to those around us, whether they hold our specific views or not. Why does it have to be an "us/them"? We really should get back to what Jesus teaches us through his actions.

Stepping off my soapbox now!

This is sad

2007-11-07T22:08:00.000-05:00

I came across this story on another blog I read. I find it so sad the culture we have become that it's easier to give up than to persevere.

Answer to Prayer

2007-11-07T08:38:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know us, you know that since the end of September Abby has been waking at unreasonable times for the day, anytime between 1 and 4. We were dreading this time change so much, but let me tell you, God answers prayers. This week we've been up 6 o'clock or later! How awesome. I roll over to look at the clock in the morning, and the first words out of my mouth are "Thank you Lord!"

It is interesting too because this week, she has an injury. This morning was the first morning she's walked since the "incident" at church. She had a tv stand fall on her this past Sunday, amazingly the ankle was the only part that was hurt. After a trip to ER, we know that nothing is broken, thankfully, just very bruised. She's adapted very well, and hasn't complained much. She's been rather pleasant actually. :) I never imagined this would be the week that she'd be sleeping, I figured she'd be rather cranky actually. But alas, God is good and is helping us all through this time.

Bad at blogging lol

2007-11-04T20:10:00.000-05:00

Well, I must admit...I'm a horrible blogger...I apologize for not updating. Will you please forgive me?!?!

I had an amazing time in Calgary. I spent a few days with my aunt and uncle, and in that time celebrated my cousins birthday, went to the zoo and did LOTS of shopping :). I was loved and doted on, and I felt very blessed to be in their home. I then went to my friends house, and spent the remainder of my time with them. Their kids made me smile, and helped me not miss my own so much! Lindsay really listened to me jabber away about nothing, and it was great to spend time with her again. I love when you can meet up with a friend, whom you haven't seen in years, and fall right back into step. I went to Drumheller for the first time, and enjoyed the flying trip through the dinosaur museum. Thank you to my wonderful hostesses for your love and friendship. You made my time away refreshing, and I will never forget my time with you.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend my time with 17 other pastors wives at a camp in Reaboro, ON. What an amazing experience. I appreciated my time away, and felt so at ease to talk about so many issues. It was great to be real, and see women from 27 to 80 laugh and carry on with no generational barriers at all. During one of the devotionals on mentoring, someone shared this little acronym.

Ministry
Encouragement
Nurturing
Teaching
Overseer
Reccomend

I really felt that this was so powerful. We as individuals HAVE mentors and ARE mentors, whether we realize this or not. It encouraged me, and I appreciated it so much. Another quote that I loved from the weekend was from Anne Graham Lotts "With every person you meet you either build a bridge or a wall". My prayer is that I will only build bridges. I am looking forward to my time away again next year!

Kudos goes to my husband, without him I would be unable to experience any of these wonderful times, and I love him very much for it. Steve, you are a wonderful husband and father and I love you for who you are. You're a gem and I'm so lucky to have you!

On My Way!

2007-10-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

Well, tomorrow morning I leave for the airport and am headed out to Calgary. I'll be visiting with my family who I very rarely get to spend time with. It'll be a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to it. Then I'll spend the remaining time with friends that I haven't seen in two years (wow! can that really be?)

I'm really feeling torn about going. When I booked the trip, I was all ready to leave and have some time to myself. But dare I say, I'm almost sorry I'm going. Steve just got back from a week away and I so badly want to stay here. However, I also know that I need some good mommy time. It's been a long time since I left the kids and got some quality time to myself. Where I am just plain Amanda. I know I need it. I'm a better mother when I have "me" time.

So farewell to all my blog readers...I'm not even sure how many there are of you anymore LOL. I'll be back on the 19th and will post about my adventures. C'ya!

A Beautiful Drama

2007-10-05T12:47:00.000-04:00

Sleep deprived Mommy

2007-09-28T05:07:00.000-04:00

Today I realized that I'm not cut out for 'going it alone' with the kids. I am extremely tired. Out of 6 sleeps, I've had 2 good nights...let me tell you, this mommy needed 6 good nights!!! The night before last Abby decided that it was wise of her to wake at 1 AM for the day. I couldn't believe it...She was SO wired. All day I walked around in a fog. There is a reason that Steve wakes up with the kids in the night, I don't handle it well. period. This woman is designed to go to bed at 10 and wake up no earlier than 6! I haven't had that luxury once this week...I'm looking forward to it on Sunday, I'll tell you that much!

As I headed for bed last night, I got another call from Steve (which I DON'T mind at all, miss him like crazy). After that, I passed out, maybe a bit of falling asleep while on the phone, I'm sure I made no sense by the end of the conversation. A person is not supposed to be awake from 1 am - 10 pm! He's having a great time. It's been good for him, and I can tell a difference in him. This is the first time that he's done something like this for himself, and I'm so proud of him for it.

At 1:00, yes you heard me, 1:00 Miss Emma decided to wake up. I went down and turned her over thinking that was all she needed....she quieted down for a bit and then started crying again, so at 1:30 I made her a bottle which of course magically made her fall asleep before drinking it...she did afterall get mommy out of bed twice! There sits the bottle beside my bed, 'just in case'!

At 4:40 Abby decided she was to get up. I think she's really hating seeing my face in the morning. Everyday more and more crying occurs...it'll be nice to tell her tomorrow that Daddy will be home in the afternoon! I'm sure she's ready! I know I am. I'm sure I'll get a call from the school asking me to come and get her at some point today. But lets hope she manages to control herself for school.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers this week. I couldn't have done it without them. As it is, I'm hanging on by my fingernails, but it's just one more sleep til Steve gets home! I just can't wait!!!

Hahahaha

2007-09-25T15:40:00.000-04:00

Single Parenting

2007-09-25T11:42:00.001-04:00

This week I have been alone with all 4 kids. Steve left on Saturday (thankfully the day AFTER Abby had cotton removed from her nose) for a week in Vancouver for Arrow Leadership. I really need to thank and applaud all single parents out there, because it's tough!! Wow.

Saturday night started off alright, I knew it wouldn't be great because I don't do well being 'alone' (ie the only adult in the house). So it took me awhile to settle down for the night, the last time I saw on the clock was 12:45. Then at 3:30 I woke up! I dozed off and on until 5:50 when Abby woke up. As each of the kids all got up, I realized that Justus and Emma really weren't themselves...oh goodness...sickness too?! My parents came for a visit, and Jocelyn was here in the morning, so the day didn't go too badly.

Sunday night...hopefully never to happen again! Justus had woken up crying 2x since bedtime at 7:30 so I went down and brought him upstairs to sleep in my room around 10. I went to bed at 10:30. I was tired...I had just got to the point where I was in and out of dreams when the phone rang. Thankful to talk to Steve, we chatted. Around 11:30 I settle back down, and by 12 I was asleep. At 1 AM I hear squeals of delight coming from the living room...it was Abby totally wired for sound! I told her she had 1 hour and that at 2 AM she was headed back to bed...suprisingly that worked. I settled down and into sleep when at 3 AM Emma wakes for a bottle....you've got to be kidding me! Just as I was putting Emma back down, Justus starts to cry....I'm thinking to myself, will this night EVER end!?! Well, he quickly settled and I was asleep by 4:30...only to be woken for the day just and hour and a half later at 6 AM...

Monday added insult to injury, the kids were home due to a PD day AND especially Emma had to see the doctor. Her chest was SO full and congested...so I call the office and her appt is scheduled for 4:30...now to find sitters...thankfully Jean came in the morning so I could head to the pharmacy. Sandy came later at 4:00, and then Jocelyn at 4:30...I'm so thankful for a good network of people! I headed out for some ME time once I knew the kids were ok. Went for a nice supper at Kelsey's then home to bed.

Last night went really well. Slept straight from 10-5, no interruptions...my only trouble is, today the tiredness hit me from two previous restless nights so now I feel like garbage. Abby is also starting to miss daddy, so she's really acting out. Justus is still quite cranky and Emma is still sick too....so overall, I'm ready for tomorrow to come!

And here's a little letter to my Hubby,

Dear Steve,
I'm sorry for all the times I make you get up. You're a trooper and never complain. You're awesome! I love you very much!
Love,
Amanda

Happy Birthday Abby!

2007-09-12T06:51:00.001-04:00

My daughter Abby turns 5 today! Seems like just yesterday we were heading to the hospital to be induced. We were SO excited. Abby had already lived through such amazing things, we knew God had something special for her. During a routine ultrasound, they found cysts on her brain, we had no idea how this might affect her. It didn't. Then when I was 7.5 months pregnant with her, I was in a bad car accident, rolled the car three times...it was bad. Yet there she was on the monitor, doing just fine. God has had His hand on her. He knew her before "she was knit together in my womb" and has been looking out for her since. Her heartbeat dropped really low during delivery too. She turned out fine!

I'm so proud of her. I love to listen to her laugh hysterically, that throaty laugh...it's so contagious. She enjoys so much of life. Everyone who meets her, loves her. She may have autism, but she touches people. She is so genuine, so pure. I love her for that.

I hope that she has a wonderful day, and that she enjoys it for all it's worth!

"Happy Birthday Big Girl!!!"

2007-09-09T16:16:00.000-04:00

Some days and some times in your life are easier than others. I believe and am convinced of that now. I know that when I come out on the other side of this time in my life, I will be a better person, I will also inherit the patience of Job. This past week has passed by as decades, each day representing one in itself. I am praying that Friday comes quickly and the answers I need are before me, or at the very least, be turned in the right direction. I HATE the unknown. It's the worst part of any illness/disease.
I thank God for my family and friends, and for those who have carried me through in prayer. My life wouldn't be the same without your support. The way is becoming brighter, I do see faint lights. I will update when the time is right. Thank you for checking in on me.

Where is Gods hand?

2007-08-26T18:52:00.000-04:00

Why is it when life gets overwhelming that everything seems to go wrong right at that moment? Why is it that when I need to see Gods hand the most, the way seems so obscured? I can look back retrospectively and see His hand but never in the circumstance. Is this where active faith comes into my life? Is this when I need to learn to rely on Him more? Is He trying to teach me something?

Steve and I have had many conversations about this. I don't believe that God has mapped out or predestined everything, and that we go like robots through His plan. I believe we all have choices to make, and our lives are shaped and molded by those choices. But are there things that He wants us to experience? Did He cause or allow the kids autism or choose us to be their parents? Why is the heart of every human, whether we want to admit it or not, always looking for the answer to the question? What is it that drives us to search for the 'truth'?

Our life has so many peaks and valleys. There are times I can really struggle with how I incorporate my faith into it. There are so few parents of children with special needs who share how the diagnosis affected their faith. Mine, I admit, is very shaken, but there are times that I marvel at the complexity of my kids and know that everything will be alright. But there are dark sides, why do I feel so ashamed to admit it though? Why the secrecy? If we all shared our stories, shared the pain and the joys, wouldn't the load be easier to bear? I say this like it's easy, as if I have it figured out, but I don't. Just an inner longing of mine, to find a place where people feel safe to share and support through life.

Today is a day for a deep thoughtful post I guess. I've been in that mood lately, very reflective. It's been a difficult summer, and I feel the affects of it very strongly. I am praying to see His hand, and to feel His presence with me. This next few weeks will be difficult and I'm not sure how much I'll post. Some things good, some bad, some unsure. I have a few doctors appts, the kids going back to school and some decisions to make. None of which are very easy for me. Please pray with me during this time, I could sure use the support!

BIG changes!

2007-08-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here today in awe that my life is going to change dramatically in the next couple of weeks. We've hit some pretty big milestones in our house. Some that we've talked about, some that we haven't.

First, Logan will be starting GR 1 in just two weeks time. I can't believe that he's going to be going to school full-time. I got a call from the bus company today, confirming everything for the start of school. I knew the day was coming, but it suddenly hit me very hard that my oldest is growing up! Abby will be starting her SK year, and I am anxious to see how that will go. The summer has been good for both of them, and I believe they will both be rather excited to see school start again.

Another big milestone, one which we haven't broadcasted very loudly, is the fact that Logan and Abby both transition out of behavioural therapy in September. We will receive 12 months of transitional therapy, and then be completely out of the program. Now I'm sure a lot of who read this will be outraged thinking it was due to age, but it was our choice. It was a very difficult and bittersweet decision, but one that had to be made. I will admit that I'm rather nervous about having Abby home with me during the day. Some people may feel confused by that, but for the last 2 years of her life, she has been with other people throughout the day at various times. I'm positive that it will go ok, but I'm still anxious about the transition. She is a child who thrives on routine, and we're about to upset it completely.

Emma rolled over for the first time this morning! I can't believe she is 3 months already. She's really turned a corner in the last few weeks. Whatever was going on with her, has now subsided for the most part, and she's turned into the most beautiful, wonderful girl. Now part of that is due to the fact that she sleeps between 12 and 14 hours at night, but another part of that is her cooing and smiling. She just keeps "giving back". It's a great feeling to see her smiling her big toothless grin at you.

Justus is cutting teeth, and I can't wait til they poke through!!! That boy has turned into Mr.Drama. You'd think the world was ending the way he carried on, but even through it all, he's a character. I love to see him peek from behind his hands when you give him a reprimand, or grab your face to give you a big "mwah" on the cheek. He is learning so much, and can do so many things that in a lot of ways, he's bypassed what the kids can do. (or at least demonstrates it) He's a real joy to be around, and keeps me laughing throughout the day, even with his teething antics!

Beautiful Butterfly

2007-08-18T13:52:00.000-04:00

“I don’t want to wear that, why can’t I wear this? I don’t like wearing dresses! I’m almost 7 now Mom! Why can’t I wear what I want to wear?”

“It’s your first day back to school honey, 2nd grade. You want to look your best for your new teacher, don’t you? Tomorrow is a big day for you.”

“I want to wear this mom! I’m comfy.”

“Alright Sara, but at least put on a different shirt, those don’t match.”

Sara crossed off the last day on her calendar as she headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Dreaming about the next day, she went through her bedtime routine. She was so excited to see her friends and tell them all about her adventures over summer vacation.

***

Sara grabbed her backpack and skipped down the driveway. “I’m going to school today, I’m going to school today.”

“Hello Ms. Davis” she greeted the school bus driver.

“Hi Sara, did you have a nice summer?”

Sara nodded to the driver as she walked down towards the back of the crowded bus, sitting down next to a girl with messy hair and clothes; it was the only seat left.

“Hi, I’m Sara. I’m in grade 2. What’s your name?”

The girl didn’t say anything; she just looked out the window. Sara was hurt. She kept hoping but the girl never spoke to her.

***

The bell rang and the kids filed into the classroom. When Sara saw the girl from the bus sitting at a desk near the front of the room, she pointed at her and quietly whispered to her friends. “That’s her!”

“Good morning class, welcome to Grade 2. I’m your teacher Mrs. Johnson. I’d like you all to meet Lisa. She transferred here from another school. Lisa will need your help this year to feel welcome. Everyone, please say hello to Lisa.”

“Hello Lisa” the class echoed.

***

Sara stared at Lisa all day. There was something different about her. She didn’t fit in. At the second recess break Sara stayed behind to talk to Mrs. Johnson.

“Mrs. Johnson, why doesn’t Lisa talk? I tried to talk to her on the bus this morning, but she didn’t answer. She seems strange, is there something wrong with her?”

“Sara. She does talk, but it takes her longer to answer and you have to listen carefully. If she is distracted by something, she may not hear you. Why don’t you try again? Lisa really needs a special friend and I think you are just who she needs. Why don’t you go ask her to play with you?”

“I’m kind of afraid. How do I know if she’s listening to me?”

“Call her name first. Its ok Sara, you’ll do great. Run along, you’ll miss your recess.”

***

“How was your day honey?” Sara’s mom asked as she poured a glass of milk.

“OK.”

“Your teacher told me about your new friend Lisa. Do you want to tell me about her?”

Sara started to cry. “Mom, she wouldn’t talk to me! She’s not my friend, she’s weird. I know Mrs. Johnson said that I would be a special friend for her, but I don’t want to be her friend.”

“Now Sara, we all are different. How would you feel if someone said that they didn’t want to be your friend? I bet it would hurt your feelings. I sure hope you give Lisa a second chance.”

***

Mrs. Johnson spoke to the class. “Today is a special day. We are going to work on an art project together. I’ve already selected who your partners will be, so please sit with them as I call out your names.”

As their names were called, Sara went and sat with Lisa.

“Today’s project is about celebrating our differences. We all have special gifts and talents. With your partners, I’d like you each to talk about one thing that is special about you. Then each pair is going to paint it onto this banner, to represent all that is special about the people in our class. The banner will stay up for the rest of the year.”

***
Sara was so mad; she didn’t want to be Lisa’s partner. She didn’t even ask Lisa what was special about her. She went ahead and did the project all by herself.

One by one the pairs got up and told what made them special. The banner was almost full when finally it was Sara and Lisa’s turn. Mrs. Johnson called Lisa’s name and asked “Lisa, what is special about you?”

“I …. can …. paint …. butterflies.” She answered slowly.

Sara’s mouth dropped open. It was the first time Lisa said anything since school started. Sara was even more shocked when Lisa got up and painted the most beautiful butterfly she had ever seen.

“Lisa! That is a very beautiful butterfly. Well done!” Mrs. Johnson said smiling. “Sara, it’s your turn.”

“I ride horses.” Sara answered, waiting as she picked up the paintbrush.

Sara knew she couldn’t paint well, and it was even worse to go after Lisa. Her butterfly was so pretty.

“Can …. I …. help?” Lisa asked.

Sara turned around to see Lisa standing behind her holding a paintbrush.

***

Lisa was an excellent artist; the horse she painted was just as beautiful as the butterfly. The whole class clapped as Lisa sat back down in her seat.

“Wow Lisa! That was awesome. How do you do that? Can you teach me how to paint?” Lisa couldn’t handle all the attention; she went to the corner of the classroom to look out the window.

Sara sat down in her seat, feeling sad. She knew she had to tell Lisa she was sorry.

Sara followed Lisa to the other side of the classroom.

“Lisa?”

Lisa turned her head and looked at Sara.

“Lisa, I’m sorry I was mean to you. That was a beautiful painting. Thanks for helping me. Do you want to play with me at recess?”

“It’s …. ok. I …. want …. to …. play …. with …. you …. Sara.” Lisa smiled.

***

That night Sara went home and told her mom all about Lisa’s painting.

“Mom, it was so beautiful. I didn’t know she could paint like that. We played together for the rest of the day. I really like Lisa. Can she come over and play?”

Publications and School

2007-08-18T09:37:00.000-04:00

I heard back from Chicken Soup, and my story, Christmas Eve Miracle was NOT chosen for the book, however it was a top finalist. It was in the top 300, out of thousands of submissions. For my first official "try" at being published, isn't too shabby. They are going to highlight the story on a new website Soul Supporter. She said she'd email when the story was going to be highlighted. While it isn't in print form, it's great that I'll be published even on the Internet. It's a step in the right direction.

I've also just completed my first college course, Writing for Publication. I received my final marks, tonight 79.6%. It bothers me that I'm just .4% away from an A, but I guess I'll take the B+. It's so exhilarating. In our first unit, we are asked to write a query letter and article for a magazine, and many of us actually submitted our letters to editors of magazines. I wrote to Exceptional Family, and offered to write our story of Milo and the kids. They've agreed that it might make a great story, and will be getting back to me next month about a possible feature in their magazine! I'll keep you updated.

I've signed up for my next course, which will be on children's fantasy literature! We will use Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia as source material, how awesome is that?!!? I can't wait. The kids and I both start school the same week.

This week I also had the privilege of speaking to a class of potential Educational Assistants at Georgian College in Owen Sound. What an experience that was! I'm not at all a public speaker, I probably should have let Steve do it, but I had fun nonetheless. It was an odd feeling to walk into the classroom, be shown to the front of the room, and have a bunch of students listen intently to what you are saying for an hour! It was great to be able to give them "the family" perspective of the children they will be working with. I'm not sure I'd ever feel overly comfortable doing it again, but it's nice to say that I lectured a college class LOL!

Pictures

2007-08-14T18:54:00.000-04:00

I recently went through our pictures and realized there were very few pictures of the kids and I. Today I remedied that! The kids and I had a photo session, and these pictures were the outcome. Most are selfportraits, although the one of Emma and I is one that Steve took. :) Enjoy.

Busy Busy Busy

2007-08-05T10:08:00.000-04:00

Well, I apologize that it's been so long since I last made a blog entry. It seems life has been rather busy.

Since my mom is up in Chesley working, I came down this past week to help her out. I've been doing packing packing packing packing and more packing. The house finally looks like they are moving, and I can't believe it's just 2.5 more weeks until they are up here. I'm very excited for the opportunity to live close to them, and what these changes will bring for their lives. Please pray for them as they make this change in their lives.

This is their new home in Chesley, I wish it didn't look so spooky because the house is beautiful. Once they are moved in, I'll go and take some better pictures. Now that the trees are in bloom etc. This was the listing picture from back in April!

I'm so homesick and ready to see my family. I'll be back to Meaford tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a great long weekend.

YIPEEE

2007-07-08T20:04:00.001-04:00

I am bursting at the seams! There is so much good going on in my life.

My mom has been applying for jobs up here in the area, and she accepted a job offer in Chesley this past week. They just let me know tonight that they have an offer in on their house, and they'll be working towards finalizing that this week, it's a private sale! So, now they are just in need of a house in Chesley or the surrounding area. I'm so excited, I just can't believe my mom and dad are going to be near me....I'll actually have family near me!!!!

(click the picture for more photos)

I am also excited because the kids and I had a blast at Marineland this past Friday. I was worried how the day would go. Abby was up for at least 2 hours in the night, leaving me with just 2 hours of sleep (NOT a good thing!) But it turned out miraculously.

We started off with just a few rides...Logan especially loved the ladybug rollercoaster. Then we headed over to Friendship Cove to see the Killerwhales and watch the splash show....while we were in the underwater viewing area beforehand, Logan was so excited. He turned to the girl beside him and said "it's a killer whale!" That's pretty impressive considering we didn't prep them beforehand! They both loved watching the whales jump...but Abby really wanted in the water with them (Sorry hon, just not going to happen!)

We then headed over to the Aquarium and saw seals and other assorted fish. Lunch was next...then over quickly to watch the show at Waldorfs Main Stage. I wish we could've been closer for this because it was difficult for the kids to see and keep their attention, but they did do really well considering. From there we headed over to Arctic Cove for the Belugas. The highlight was Logan feeding and touching a Beluga!!! I was underwater viewing with Abby during this because as the day wore on, she REALLY wanted in the tanks...but the picture was worth a thousand words...he was SOOO happy (so was Kati for that matter)!

We had our ice cream cones and headed for the exit. 5 hours of fun was enough for us! I was so happy with how they did, and they proved me wrong once again. I love when they do that. Abby's highlight for the day was splashing through all the puddles...she enjoyed everything else, but that was the best for her...and I'll take it. She did amazingly well, considering it was something totally new for her. She did show interest in the whales...laughed a few times at the dolphins and seals...but puddles were by far the most exciting!

I can't wait to go back again...but that probably won't be until the other kids are old enough to enjoy it. We'll be off on other adventures this summer, so keep coming back and I'll keep you posted!

Outdoor Play Equipment

2007-06-27T12:49:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited. This Friday we are headed to Mount Forest to pickup our new playset for the backyard. It's pictured above. I think the kids are all going to have a blast. Steve and I were talking today about it today, and he seemed to think it would just take an afternoon, but I told him it would probably take all of this coming weekend to put together, if not longer! We don't move very fast I'm afraid! Anyway, I just wanted to share our exciting news.

HURRAY

2007-06-25T07:46:00.000-04:00

I just have to say that I'm SO excited. The last two nights an incredible thing happened...well actually a few incredible things have happened.

First, Emma has slept through the night!!!!! This is so exciting for us. All three of our other kids have been great sleepers, and I must admit I was worrying about Emma. Her crying last week was really starting to worry me, but since we switched our formula out for the soy-based one, she's a new girl. Her non-stop crying ceased, AND she decided to sleep through the night.

Looks like we'll be getting our room back soon enough. Although there are some things that I would like to do to Logan's new room/Justus' old room before we make the switch. I'd like Logan's room to be a bit more completed before we send him in. It'll be difficult enough for him to transition, nevermind if we have to change it again after he's in. Nonetheless, it's exciting.

The other exciting thing was a business meeting at our church. I never thought I'd say that about a church meeting! But it was a great time of brainstorming of what THEY want to do to reach out to our community. We were surprised by the people who were offering to help, and thanking God for the hearts of all the people present at the meeting. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for us as we move forward as a church!

Last night was Woodfords 152nd anniversary! What a blast! I really enjoy myself when I go to Woodford. Unfortunately I'm not able to get there very often, but I find that church so incredibly warm and welcoming. We had a great service, and Steve's friend from Seminary preached. He gave testimony to a little 13 month old girl in his congregation and what God has done in her life. The docs had basically given up on her (wanting to make her comfortable, but told that parents that she would surely die), but this little girl has made a miraculous comeback. It made me want to hug Justus a lot tighter because this little girl was born just two weeks after him! Praise the Lord, for all that He does both through medicine and miracles!

My Awesome Hubby!

2007-06-22T20:21:00.001-04:00

We just got word today that the book that Steve co-authored with Stan Porter "Unmasking the Pagan Christ" won an award at the Word Guild Awards (Awards for Christian Canadian Authors). It is an Award of Merit, the category being Apologetics/Evangelism. I'm so incredibly proud of him.

Way to go Steve!!!! I'm so proud of you! I know the journey was rough at times, and I wasn't always the supportive wife I should've been. Let me tell you now, in front of all my blog readers (how few or many there are), how very proud I am of you, and how much I love you!

Emma

2007-06-22T16:25:00.000-04:00

OK, I love the girl to pieces, but I'm thinking she has colic or is lactose intolerant or something. This girl had been crying hours on end for DAYS!!!! But today we switched to a soy-based formula and knock on wood, she seems much better! A lot less crying than the last few days. It's so hard to believe she's been in our lives a month already. She's doing so well though. We wish we (or should I say STEVE does) sleep more but her presence here makes up for the lack of sleep. She balances out the family. I love her feminine features. I love that she LOOKS like a girl. Such slender delicate hands and feet. Babies can make me gush for hours so I better stop there.

She is eating and growing well. She was born 5 lbs 5 oz. and at our last appt she was 6 lbs 15 oz. Which is still less than any of my kids were, but still growing steadily. She's not great at night, but she's getting better. She still wakes at least 2x in the night, but the time is increasing slowly. She's becoming much more alert during the day, and starting to smile at us. She has great eye contact when she's having her bottle. All great signs for what's to come!

This girl is a blessing for sure. I am so thankful for her, and for all that she brings to this family unit.

Justus

2007-06-22T16:15:00.000-04:00

What an adventure ride~this kid amazes us at every turn! The boy is a walking, talking machine. Every time I look at him, I'm so thankful that he is in my life, that we've been given the opportunity to raise him as our own.

As I said, he's growing in leaps and bounds, just not any taller! He's saying so much now, I think he might even be a bit advanced. He's got such great communication skills. He shows us at every turn the little things we've missed. He'll be into big mischief in no time!!!

We have to do some physiotherapy with him, the help correct some weakness in his right side. It is making him side-shuffle and turn his foot out. Hopefully with some exercises, we'll be able to get that corrected. Every little bit helps, and that is a good thing because he doesn't like doing the exercises. Typical male, does what he wants WHEN he wants!!!

Abby

2007-06-22T16:04:00.000-04:00

Abby has had the flu today :( Poor girl. She missed her school year end classtrip. But I must admit I enjoyed our time today. She was so cute dozing in and out most of the day, but she was very pleasant to be around nonetheless. This isn't always the case.

Abby has also had a year of triumphs. I have enjoyed hearing her progress at school, as well as hearing how the other kids in her class all want to be her partner etc. I love Abby to pieces and so it does my heart good to hear that her peers are feeling the same way about her. While Abby's behaviours can be challenging at times, I will say that her love of life outweighs that at every turn. She continues to make good progress in school and therapy. I am so amazed at her.

Her eyes hold the secrets of the universe, so deep and pensive. I'd love to pick her brain and know what she's thinking or feeling. She's got such a beautiful soul. I love her to bits. She is so passionate and fierce. One amazing little fireball.

Logan Update

2007-06-22T14:24:00.000-04:00

Logan is just finishing up at school, his SK year. What a year it has been! I can't believe how far he has come.

A few nights ago, Justus got a hold of the remote for the TV and hit the mute button. It was in that moment that something so perfect happened, something completely unplanned. We realized just how much Logan can memorize! We knew it was a good skill he had, but it's truly remarkable. He spoke the ENTIRE movie!!! All the parts, all the songs, everything. Steve and I sat dumbfounded on the couch, not saying a word to each other. It was a precious memory that will forever be burned in my thoughts.

Logan's school year has gone fabulously. We feel so blessed to be able to have the kids in school. All this year, whenever we see Logan's schoolmates out and about town, they alway seem so excited to see him. There is one little girl who invited Logan to her birthday party, and from talking to her and her mom, really enjoys playing with Logan at school! What a blessing. We were so afraid that he would be picked on for being "different" but in all reality, this year, he was a friend. The kids are all excited that Logan is beginning to talk. Some report back to their parents about it. It's just such a wonderful experience.

Me, in a nutshell, or a coconut LOL

2007-06-22T13:59:00.001-04:00

I am clinging to cliche's like I never thought possible. I'm not a big believer in cliches, but for now, I'm clinging to anything I can get my mouth around: "this too shall pass", "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger", "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", "you got yourself into this.." (oh wait, that wasn't very positive, nix it). You've all heard them. My knee-jerk reactions to cliche's are often, "What, you couldn't think of anything more reassuring than that?" However, I'm beginning to learn that there is some truth in them, they must be a cliche for a reason right?

Having 4 kids has made me grow (very radically I might add) into a different person. Mostly good, although some unfortunate few have caught the wrath of my unchecked patience (something I'm not very proud of). I've learned that I really must purge some of my unused belongings...the truth of the matter is, we just have too much stuff. I've also learned that although Steve would beg to differ, he has WAY more clothing than me. I've surmised that chaotic messes lead to chaotic mindsets. I've learned that I need to lean more on God's grace for the patience that I need, NOT for my kids but for everyone else around me. Life lessons can only be learned while living your life.

It's sometimes hard to remember that I'm only 27. Life has a way of flying around me and making me feel old. I've done a lot of living in these 27 years. There are things that I'm proud of, things I'm ashamed of but truth be told, I wouldn't change it for anything. The lessons and experiences I have under my belt, have led me to the place I am today. The hurt and heartache has given way to a beautiful life. I'm surely not perfect, not by any means (my family says a loud amen to that), but I know that God's working on me. We all see the children's t-shirts out there that read "please be patient, God's not finished with me yet". But I believe that every adult should have one of those t-shirts too! When I get to the place where I feel "finished" I know I'm in the wrong spot. I never want to stop learning and growing as a woman, mother, and wife. If I stop learning, what more will I have to offer?

It's very much been an adjustment, life with 4 kids, and trust me, I know I'm not anywhere near fully adjusted! But truth be told, I'm loving the ride.

(I'm going to post separate blogs about each of the kids since it's been so long)

UGH...What next?!

2007-06-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have been following the saga that has been my health lately, you know that it's been in a constant state of peeks and valleys.

Late this morning I went for an abdominal ultrasound, and this afternoon my doc's office called and let me know that I have gallstones! No wonder I've been in so much pain. I'm relieved to have found an answer, but not so relieved at the prospect of surgery. I know I'll be fine though. Dr. Lozan did Steve's cyst removal, so I know he'll do a great job for me.

I also found out that I'll be going for another MRI in August, this time on both my brain and spine. I certainly hope to have some answers, but at this point I'm not sure I'm actually going to get them. Continued prayers would be appreciated. It's hard to maintain some level of hope, when you're facing a big uncertainty in your life.

I am striving towards trusting God to lead me in His way. Sometimes I ask why He chooses to trust me so much, but I also know it doesn't work that way. I just have to believe that He's going to give me whatever I need to get through this troubling time. He's always been there for me. No matter how distant I might feel at the time, He's always come through. I have to believe, if for nothing else than for my own mental health, that He'll come through again this time.

Writing

2007-05-27T15:51:00.000-04:00

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a much darker writer than my counterpart Steve. I'm writing a short story for school, and I read him the first few paragraphs, and his response was "wow, hmmm, ok, not what I was expecting plot wise." LOL. Steve is the happy, go lucky writer, I'm the dark, depressing one. I think Steve may see a new side to me in this process.
I've always been drawn to heavier peices, no gruesome stuff, just darker themes. It intrigues me. Life and emotion throughout, they still ring true but darker. Family battles, inward struggles, you name it...I eat it up.
The story I'm writing now probably won't be for my assignment, rather just for my portfolio. But it's kind of fun. It's been since high school since I've written a fictional short. It's exciting! Took me awhile to figure out what to write, but now that it's figured out, I'm loving it.

First Assignment

2007-05-25T17:12:00.001-04:00

Today I sat down to write for the first time in a very long time. I find it invigorating. I love the way words come to the forefront of my mind, and I'm just able to put down on paper how I feel. It's always been a strong suit of mine, and I'm thankful for the gift. I love to especially write poetry. This is the first unit I chose, seeing as I'm just getting back into school after a very long hiatus.
I was inspired by Emma for this poem, it's not how I think she'll feel, but just by the whole situation. It's not the final draft, so please be gentle. I'd love to hear feedback if you've got any!

Lost and Found

Cooing from the cradle
Quiet stirrings bring
Bittersweet emotion
Loving everything

Such a pretty princess
Dainty little hands
Secrets hiding underneath
It is the master plan

Growing up to girlhood
Testing waters edge
Demanding conversation
Will it never end

Questions far from answered
Longings left unmet
Loneliness ensuing
Abandonment regrets

Honesty is chosen
Truth wins out again
Memories come flooding
Realizations begin

Relationships rekindled
Forgiveness freely given
Past is left behind
Life renewed again

Introducing Emma Grace

2007-05-16T16:17:00.000-04:00

Emma Grace was born on May 15th at 4 AM. She weighs in at 5 lbs 5 oz, and is a little doll-faced wonder. She is also the newest addition to the Bedard household. She is Justus' biological sister. We are the proud parents of 4 kids now!!

For those of you who are completely shocked by this news, please be assured that you are not the only ones. We found out that Kelly was pregnant not that long ago, maybe 2 months. Kelly had always planned to put her up for adoption, and it wasn't until yesterday morning that Steve and I made our final decision. Kelly was just as suprised as everyone else when we offered to take Emma into our home.

I've had dreams about her, which is how she got her name. Everything has fallen so neatly into place, and I must say that I feel so blessed to be able to welcome another child into our family. This is the end of the road for expansion though...no more additions unless they are of the fish or animal kind! It's always been a dream of mine to adopt a sibling group, and feel blessed that Justus and Emma are the ones who will be ours.

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride of emotions this last few days. For those of you who feel inclined to pray, please do so. Both for Emma and for Kelly. I have great admiration for a woman who can put herself and her feelings aside and to do what is best for her child. While I do know that Kelly has made mistakes, let me be the first one to say that I'm proud of her (and all the other moms out there) for making that sacrificial decision to give her child(ren) over to someone else.

Taking the Plunge

2007-05-12T21:20:00.000-04:00

I've just registered for a certificate program through Mohawk College. I have to admit that I'm SOOO excited about it (with some apprehension too!). I'll be doing Writing for Publication. There are some projects rolling around in my head that I'd really like to see come to fruition, but before that happens I think I should polish up on my skills a bit. I've been thinking about doing freelance work as well.
This program goes through the publishing process, gets you to do both fiction and non-fictional work. I will be taking it slow, 3 courses per year (2.5 years). Justus will be heading off to JK soon after that (not that I want to think about it!!), and then I'll really be able to hunker down and work on some of these projects that I'd like to do.

Something to think about

2007-05-11T17:55:00.000-04:00

I read this somewhere online and I must admit, it really touched my heart. As a parent of children with special needs, I'm very aware of the social stigma's against people like my kids. I wish that I would have the opportunity to thank this courageous young person for saying what needed to be said. I'm proud of him!

In Such an Era of Political Correctness, Why is the Word "Retard" Still OK?
Dateline: 4/24/2007
23 April 2007

Soeren Palumbo is a senior honors student at Fremd High School in Wheeling, Illinois, and big brother to Olivia. During Writer's Week (in March 2007), he gave the following speech to a gymnasium full of his high school peers and faculty and received a standing ovation.

"I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialogue between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender.

So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, "Oh my gaw! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!" The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, N*gro! You missed a spot!" The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls - hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it's your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That's the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch 'em in the face.

Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves. What then, could be worse than racism?

Look around you and thank God that we don't live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school, hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you.

Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves, the only ones around you without the ability to defend themselves. Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a "retard."

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I'll tell you that it didn't happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn't the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn't the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn't it?).

The girl didn't say "hey N*gro." There was no black person.

It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was "Hey retard." I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don't understand why we use the word; I don't think I ever will.

In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok? Why do we allow it? Why don't we stop using the word? Maybe students can't handle stopping - I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don't think the adults, here can either.

Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or n$gger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have.

That's what I thought. Clearly, this obviously isn't a problem contained within our age group.

So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped.

I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her Cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago.

She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don't notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, "Good morning, Olivia." She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, "Good morning, Soeren," and goes back to her Cheerio's.

I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. "What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?" She looks up again. "Gonna see Mista Bee!" she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking.

She finishes her Cheerio's and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7 o'clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school.

And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can't help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The "retard rocket." No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some "adult's" joke.

By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate.

It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "retard," before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "retard". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them.

If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of us will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "retarded."

Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren't being locked in their family's basement anymore.

The mentally handicapped aren't rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn't ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn't choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of "higher education." I only hope that, one day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that, someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I love her. I love you, Olivia.

Soeren Palumbo

What's your Dosha?

2007-05-10T12:40:00.000-04:00

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor.
You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader.
Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways.
But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical.

With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you

In love: You are picky but passionate

To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's Your Dosha?

Logan and Milo

2007-05-07T21:13:00.000-04:00

I was so excited to receive these pictures today! They are of Logan's first hookup with Milo. He was such a trooper that day. I think even Cathy was suprised at how well the two of them did connected.

The last walk we had was a bit more challenging, in that Logan was in a HORRIBLE mood and kept darting away....but Milo did exactly what he was supposed to do. He sat down and held his ground, and when given the command forward, off he went, encouraging Logan along. It was a good learning time for me. I was glad though that it was on our quiet dead end road and not some busy street in a big town.

Overall I am so pleased with the process. I wasn't sure what I'd think being a dog owner, but it's really great. Milo is a great companion to everyone in the house, and he knows just who he's supposed to be with. I'm proud of Logan and Abby and how they've taken to him. I am looking forward to next Monday when Abby is hooked up to Milo. Then we'll really see how things go.

Biking for Dummies!

2007-05-06T18:54:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting a bike for a couple of years now, so today we went out and bought one. I'm really happy with it, but I think it might take some work to get me fully ready to ride lol~A steep learning curve for sure! It's been at least 15 years since I've taken a bike ride, so I'm going to ease myself into it.

It was on a really easy gear, and it totally took me off guard so I nearly fell off when I went to peddle, a good thing I have quick reflexes!! Not as quick as Steve's camera ability though. Oh well, something for the memory books. I made Steve take it for a ride to get it into an easier gear, and then everying slowly started coming back. Still will take awhile. I've never really understood why I needed 21 gears anyway, but I'll do some reading to figure all this out. I'm such a loser sometimes. :)

Phew, glad that's over!!!

2007-05-04T19:28:00.000-04:00

Well, today was the BIG day. I had the public access test with Milo in Barrie this morning. I was so proud of him. I wasn't sure how he'd do, considering we haven't been out much, only once or twice a week. But it was all old habit for him. I am breathing much easier tonight. I wasn't sure how he'd do. He's been stealing the kids food that's dropped from the table, so I was afraid he might go after the hamburger during the food portion, but he didn't :D It helped that my hand was in the pocket that HE knew the treats were in LOL. I'm not a mother for nothing, I know the tricks.
Now next May, I'll do it again. :) But I think by then I'll be really comfortable with it all...or at least I should be. We'll do it yearly until Milo's retirement.

Witnessing

2007-05-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

So, on my bus ride home from Welland yesterday, I eavesdropped on an interesting conversation between the bus driver and another woman on the bus. They were talking about their life experiences, and the woman started talking about an injury she experienced years ago which left her with a bad back. As they talked some more, the driver, not so casually, brought up Christianity and healing etc...He began to witness to her, told her about his story and how he became a Christian. Asked her if she was born again. She said yes. Asked her if she went to church, she said no. So, here is where I found the conversation to go a bit uncomfortable. In one breath the driver says, you don't have to go to church or anything...a few moments later, he's saying she does, inviting her out to his church, and really badgering her to find a "home". Also asked her why she didn't have her back prayed for because "it's as simple as asking and you receive healing", even though HE had never been healed himself!

I suppose I'm about to contradict myself, but I personally don't believe anyone HAS to go to church in order to be a believer. Scripture states that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Christ died for your sins, you are saved. Do I think it's a good idea to go to church, absolutely! BUT I don't think it is a necessary thing for your salvation. (The contradiction comes because I'm married to a pastor, and probably should believe that everyone must go to church). I honestly believe that those are the "grey areas" of faith, the areas in which we must decide what is best for our own personal faith. There are certain rules everyone must follow...but I don't believe it is in our hands to decide whether or not someone else goes to church, we are responsible for what WE do. I think if we know and love someone, and they ask for our opinions then we can offer what our experiences are...NOT before and certainly not to a stranger. Now, I don't know this man's heart, and maybe this is exactly what this woman needed, I don't know. I just know that as a "fly on the wall" I was uncomfortable.

As for the healing stuff, that also bothered me. I have encountered people in my walk who have said things that hurt me pretty badly. Saying that I don't have enough faith to heal my kids, or to get through certain circumstances in my life. I do not believe that everyone is or should be healed. Sometimes we have an ailment that we are meant to live with, even Paul had "thorn in his flesh". We don't know what that was, but it most certainly was something he lived with. Why then is there this belief that ALL will be healed? I have seen so much GOOD come of the kids "ailment". I've seen both myself and Steve grow as people, I've learned so much about the heart of God. Going through some of my physical issues in the last 6 months has certainly taught me to rely on God, knowing that He is guiding me has helped.

I just don't know what to do with all this. On one hand, I understood where this man was coming from, he was exuberant about his faith and wanted to share it with others but as an onlooker, I also saw how uncomfortable the woman was. Do we witness at any cost, or do we watch body language of those we are talking to? Is witnessing always that bold or is a quiet witness sometimes needed?? Can we as Christians ever cross the line? Do we ever open our mouths when really we need to shut up and live?

These are all issues we as Christians struggle with. I know I've hand countless conversations with others about this very topic. It's time for Christians to step out of their corner and share their faith for sure, but I'm not sure I'd ever be comfortable with the approach this guy took. When she agreed that she was born again (she believed that Christ died on the cross for her sins), I'm not sure how I felt about him pestering her into church or chastizing her for not praying for healing. Am I wrong to be uncomfortable? I don't know.

2 AM

2007-04-25T08:54:00.000-04:00

Imagine being in a dark bedroom. It's 2 AM. You are sleeping peacefully. All of a sudden you hear a loud noise, the sound of something very large crashing down around you. You are up with a bolt, sitting in bed. You hear someone reaching for the lamp, when all of a sudden you hear the noise again. You hear screaming coming from the person beside you, and join in because it's the only natural thing to do. You reach to turn on your light and what you discover is your husbands bedside table overturned and at the foot of your bed. You see the contents that were on top of the table strewn on the floor. (no wonder Steve couldn't find the lamp!) You see a dog cowering beside you and you wonder what events unfolded to make the scene like this.

It's now 9 AM and we're still wondering what on earth happened to that bedside table. Our best guess is somehow the dog got tangled in or under the table and was pinned underneath. He then got up trying to free himself, only to discover that he was still caught! Then the above incidents occur, leaving you the next morning in hysterics because the whole scene is just so comical.

I think what we find most ironic, is we tiptoe around at night, trying not to wake the kids. But last night we were LOUD, between the noise of the dragging and us screaming, I have NO idea how the kids didn't wake up! Especially Logan because we're right overtop of his bedroom.

Last night will be a night to remember! It's as good as the raccoon in the garbage and us getting locked in our room!!! LOL

Literal Learners!

2007-04-24T15:27:00.000-04:00

So Logan has been working on identifying familiar people in photographs, and pointing to whomever he is being asked to locate. (eg. Find mommy, he then points or grabs the picture of me) However, he hasn't been doing so well with this. Ok, he hadn't been able to do it at all...we've discovered why. Both kids identify us by our first names LOL So he did great with the new question Find Amanda, and off he went, knew exactly who to find. I'm ok with this...we figure as long as they know us by something, we'll take it.

Hope this works!

2007-04-20T19:42:00.000-04:00

Trampoline Fun :)

1 Already

2007-04-10T07:20:00.000-04:00

Today is Justus' 1st birthday. I can't give any lengthy birthstory because it's not mine to tell. What I can share is how this little boy has fought off all that entered his body, how he triumphs everyday, how much his smile brightens up a down day. He is teaching US new things at every turn. He's a blessing to our family, and I'm so glad he fits with us. Justus today is for you, and mommy is so proud of you. Here's to many more wonderful birthdays. We love you so much.

Haircuts

2007-04-09T11:54:00.000-04:00

Well, this morning was haircut day for Abby. Over the weekend, someone from our church told me about a little girl that used to suck on her hair, and had to have surgery due to a softball size hairball in her stomach since hair cannot be digested. I resolved that day to cut her hair soon, as Abby is rarely seen without her hair in her mouth. Until today that is! She's got a chin length bob. She looks SOOO cute, and I think she really likes it. She had big smiles this morning as her hair was just finished being blown dry. I'm so happy about that. I hope her friends like it too, it's always a worry, when lots of girls her age have long hair, what will they think if she has short hair. But it's much easier to keep Abby looking "kept" with shorter hair. That girl is just a bit tomboyish for long flowing hair, and the fore mentioned hair chewing is at the top of my list for keeping it short!

Amazing

2007-04-08T13:25:00.000-04:00

Six years ago today I was giving birth to my son Logan. My beautiful blond hair, blue eyed boy. It feels like it was just yesterday that I woke Steve up, just an hour after finishing his thesis, saying "honey, I'm in labour". Now, what followed next wasn't what I expected, the whole day passed by in such a blurr...I asked for something for pain as I had intense back labour, I got something shot into my leg. A little while later, when clearly that wasn't enough, the epidural was given. I was so high for the rest of the day. I don't remember much, but what I do remember was comical...Steve almost passing out and the nurses handing me the call button if HE needed anything, Steve so unwisely telling me to breathe properly (he got THE LOOK), the nurse accidently poking me with a needle ("it's ok, I didn't feel a thing", that was the beginning of the high).
When it came time to actually have Logan. It didn't go well. His head was so big, he was almost stuck. Out came the vaccum, that didn't work. Out came the forceps, they did. But poor Logan looked SOOO beat up. Cuts and black eye. But you know, from that first moment, I never saw the flaws, just how beautiful he was. He'd captured me right from his first look.
Over the years, we've had our ups and downs. The first year, I lived in the glorious moments of mommyhood. We laughed and played, read books together and napped together. As he grew older I knew something was different. He never ever called me momma, and was getting very rigid in his play. I always brought it down to my accident and the birth of Abby being so difficult for him.
What transpired over the next few months, was something I could never forget. He's deaf, it was our first thought. Hearing test showed that he's got 100% hearing, no problems whatsoever. Our doctor then sent us to another doctor, to rule out Autism, only to find that it wasn't ruled out, it was diagnosed. I went into full blown mommy panic. But I've learned over the years that there wasn't anything to panic over.
Logan today is a wonderful boy who loves his family. He loves to play outside, and laugh. He's changed my view on so much in life, I've learned to celebrate the smallest of accomplishments. I've learned that life doesn't always give you what you want, it gives you what you need. Without Logan (or my other kids) I would never be the person or mother that I am today. He has opened my mind to accept so much more in people, to be more understanding of those who don't meet "status quo". I no longer judge my accomplishments by societys standards, but accept every accomplishment for what it is. Some may say that Autism is something that needs to be cured, but I must admit, in my heart I know that I have learned so much from my little boy and little girl with autism then I ever could've learned from anyone else. For me, in some strange way, Autism has been a blessing to me.
I am thankful for Logan, and I love him dearly. Happy Birthday big boy, Mommy loves you :D

Mom my ride

2007-04-04T17:24:00.001-04:00

Hurray for Justus

2007-04-03T07:52:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Justus' Infant Development Worker came by to do an evaluation on how he's developing. We couldn't be more elated. He's right on target for almost all areas of development, except for communication. HOWEVER, I also think part of that is our fault because we don't know what to expect from him or to "push" him with. Having two kids with autism who had some pretty shady development makes it difficult to know what to expect and when. Now we have an idea on the things we need to work on. We're so proud of Justus and how hard he works. He is a precious boy.

Our first outing

2007-04-02T12:14:00.000-04:00

Today we took Milo out for the first outing in Meaford. Wow, what a great job he did. We went into Valumart, Bargain Shop and Maguinty's. He did great, hardly any problems. Just a bit of nose to the ground when we were walking down the sidewalk. But for our first day on the town, I'm totally impressed.
Steve I think was shocked at the difference in his behaviour in and out of jacket. He's much more disciplined in jacket than out, which is fine...out of jacket, he's just a regular dog. :) We are enjoying him so much and are so thankful for the opportunity to have him in our family. Thanks NSD :D

Fence

2007-04-01T16:56:00.000-04:00

We need a fence in the backyard...argh :( Why is it that all the expensive stuff happens all at once??? First the interruption in the trip, then team training, now a fence. I was hoping we'd be able to hold off another year for the fence, but we're not going to be able to...first Logan, now Milo. Milo was so interested in Bear (the golden retriever) next door, he went under the fence! Laughable now, but not so much in the middle of the night if he catches sight of a skunk or something. He's just SOO friendly.
So, anyone wishing to donate to the Logan/Milo fence fund, please forward your cash to....
LOL, just kidding...we'll figure this out, we always do. God will provide a way!

Spring 2007

2007-03-31T12:59:00.000-04:00

Newton, Leia, Milo, Moe, Magnum, Pudge and Peyton
This is Milo's graduating class :)

We're Home

2007-03-30T20:01:00.000-04:00

We're home after a very long, exhausting week. Yesterday we went to St. Jacobs Market (fun fun fun), and had two lectures in the afternoon. And then last night we had a dinner to meet the puppy raisers and volunteers that were involved with our dog over their puppyhood. It was a great evening, I met Milo's puppyraisers, a great young couple who are having a difficult time letting Milo go, but I can totally understand why...Milo is a great dog! After that we all went out for a nightcap at the hotel for one final night together :(
Today was our practise run-through for our public access test! Wow, that makes one sweat. But Milo did fantastic, he surprised me at what we can do together :) It was an amazing feeling walking through the mall, with my dog, knowing that he was doing such a great job, I couldn't have been more proud.
Then Steve picked me up from the hotel. Abby and Justus were with him. Abby was very upset, in meltdown mode because they had been in the lobby and she caught sight of the pool :( But after she settled down, she was excited about Milo. Justus is also pretty interested. Logan is doing FANTASTIC with the transition for a dog in the house. You can tell he was stressed, but he was interested too. He's done a great job of petting him, and coming by time after time...Logan and Abby have both tried to ride him like a horse, but Milo doesn't seem to care. :)
Overall, I'm extremely happy at how well the first day went, I expected that they might throw a fuss or something. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Another Great day

2007-03-28T18:09:00.000-04:00

Milo and I are starting to bond pretty well. I'm very impressed with how he's doing. It's definitely more difficult when we're around all the dogs, but on our own, we're definitely getting the hang of things.
The day was fun, we were in Stratford. We walked along the water and downtown. I think Milo will need some training around the water in Meaford, but it'll be good :) I think that Milo and Logan are going to have a great bond.
I'm looking forward to going home, it's been a long week, but it'll always be a lot of work. Milo is a strongwilled puppy, so he'll always be fighting to be "alpha male" but I'm digging down deep and finding the strength to be the higher will LOL.

Survival

2007-03-27T17:07:00.000-04:00

Well, we made it through the second day and I think I might be getting the hang of this lol. I'm really enjoying myself. It's a great bunch of people, and a great bunch of dogs. I'm really happy with our match with Milo. I'm already in love with him. I can't wait for everyone to meet him.
Tonight we're going out to a restaurant without the trainers...wish us all luck.

I'm tired

2007-03-27T06:30:00.000-04:00

OK, the dog snores louder than Steve!!! And has some pretty violoent chasing kitty dreams. It's cute, but man I'm tired. I think I saw every hour last night. Something is crazy about that. I thought I was supposed to sleep more without the kids or Steve, but I'm sleeping much less. Such is life.
Milo was so excited to see me this morning, got really playful with me. He and I are finding our routine, and I'm starting to establish my role as "alpha male" but mr milo will give me a run for my money. Today is another full day of training. I'm not looking forward to it...I'm gonna bushed tonight...maybe I'll actually have a good night sleep.
Have fun :)

Hurray

2007-03-26T20:25:00.000-04:00

We have a chocolate lab named milo. He is SOOO cute. He and I are still looking for our "routine" but it's coming.
It's been such an emotional day. We worked with all the dogs during the day and while we were in Petsmart, we were introduced to our match. It was amazing when they brought Milo over. I've always wanted a chocolate lab.
Tonight we've been hanging out in the room, playing with toys and we're out for some training and walking. It's fun. I'm ready for bed though. It's hard work, and I have tremendous respect for all the puppy raisers.
That's all for tonight. We're headed outside for some fresh air. :)

Fancy That

2007-03-26T07:08:00.000-04:00

I didn't realize there was a computer here...I guess I get to blog my week :)
Yesterday I arrived here in Kitchener, and met all my teammates and did the paperwork for the dog. We then went to Chris Fowlers house for a meet and greet.
Such a wonderful group of people, and I'm so honoured to be here. Such a surreal experience. One of the most amazing things I was able to meet Maureen and Brodie, the mother and son who have changed the lives of 150 other families. Without her persistence, we wouldn't have the opportunity to be here this week, and to give Logan the independance he so deserves. Brodie is a great kid, very well rounded and humorous. It was a highlight for me for sure. :)
TODAY is the day we meet the dogs and I will find out at the end of the day what dog we'll be getting. I'm so excited, I was up at 4 am and unable to get back to sleep. It's amazing..I'll post again tomorrow.

Cruise 2007

2007-03-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone, I made an album of our vacation pictures here. Please check it out, it's so much easier for me to just post the link than to post all the pictures here.

I will share my favourite one though. It is a castle in Rhodes, Greece. This was by far our most relaxing day. I really enjoyed myself here. The town is absolutely beautiful. We had a lot of fun exploring around the town.

We're Home

2007-03-19T17:34:00.000-04:00

We had such a great vacation. I was completely overwhelmed by everything that we saw and experienced. The ship was unbelievable, we were pampered beyond our wildest dreams. The two places that we were least excited about ended up being our favourites, Dubrovnik, Croatia and Rhodes, Greece. But I must say that every port that I saw was breathtaking and memorable. I ended up not going into Naples, to see Pompeii and Mt Vesuvius. I woke up under the weather, and couldn't bring myself to climb a volcano and walk through ruins. I was disappointed to miss it, but Steve still went and took an abundance of pictures.

Our vacation was all blissful until we hit JFK airport...then the stress began. We landed to find that we were in the middle of a "winterstorm" and our flight to Buffalo had been cancelled. JFK is a big airport, and difficult to get around. We ended up trying to find a hotel close to the aiport, they were all booked, and the last amount was 275/night!!! We were told about a motel in Queens, and we shared a cab with a couple from Sudan and went over to the motel. We spent the night, and tried to find flights available: WEDNESDAY, meaning two days from now. Totally unacceptable, we called about trains: TUESDAY, totally unacceptable! So we called a car service, and hired someone to drive us from Queens to Buffalo (read cha-ching, very pricey). It ended up not too bad, we had a personable driver from Pakistan, but definitely he had the need for speed! We made it to Buffalo in 7 hrs. We arrived at my parents house at 2 in the morning. We slept until around 7, left for home at 9. I tell ya, my bed has never felt so comfortable.

We were so excited to see the kids, and the same went for them. They had huge smiles for us. They seem so big, and Justus has learned so much in just a couple of weeks. He's mastered going up the stairs! We'll definitely have to teach him how to go down the proper way now. He also cut 4 teeth while we were gone. Logan's repeating has become so clear, and he seems so interested in everything. I was putting together the photo album of our trip, and he was so intent on the pictures. It was cute. Abby is happy that we are home, but is definitely having some trouble readjusting to life, this morning she had a hard time leaving us to go to school, and has been a bit cranky/testy too. But we expected it, so it's not too bad.

We're starting to get caught up on our sleep, but it's going to take awhile I'm sure. We had very little sleep from Thursday night to Saturday night, so we'll take the next few days to recoup. I think it's why I've got such a terrible headache. But it's coming along, jetlag never killed anyone that I know of. Once I've got the pictures uploaded to the computer, I'll post a few. And I'll give some thoughts about our trip and each port later on...I've got to get caught up on laundry so I can pack and head off for training with Logan's service dog.

Take care everyone!

TOMORROW

2007-03-02T19:41:00.000-05:00

I must admit, the anxiety level in our house is getting pretty high but excited nonetheless. We leave tomorrow for Niagara and then fly out of Buffalo on Sunday. It's amazing to know that in a couple of days, we'll be in Venice, on board Carnival Freedom(pictured left). Before we were married, I remember Steve and I having a discussion about all the places that we want to visit, and this cruise hits them all. It's an unbelievable trip, for an unbeatable deal. Take care everyone, and I'll talk to you in a few weeks. :)

Hurray!!!

2007-02-28T18:06:00.000-05:00

Well, today is the day that we were awarded full permanent custody :D I'm so excited. It was a lot quicker this time than the last, the judge made his decision very quickly. So as of today, we are the legal guardians of Justus Mark Peschell. It's a bittersweet day for me, but I must admit, I'm very relieved to know that Justus will be in a safe, secure environment.

The other news I want to pass on is Justus is finally working on some more teeth. He's had a third pop through, with another 2 just below the surface (they'll definitely erupt while we're away). It's so funny to see him grinding around, trying to figure out what exactly is going on inside his mouth. What a funny little character!

We leave in three days for our vacation, and I'm not sure I'll be posting before we leave. I'm sure Steve will so keep up to date with him. In the mean time, have a wonderful few weeks! I'll only be home for 6 days between our vacation and team training week, so don't expect too much in March. I will post an update of our trip though, no worries there :)

Roll Up the Rim time...

2007-02-26T12:37:00.000-05:00

Today we discovered an irony...we gave up Tim Horton's for Lent. At the bank this morning, I thought Steve's eyes were going to POP out of his face...the poor guy. It's that beloved time of the year "Roll up the Rim to Win". Can I just say that this is Steve's FAVOURITE time of the year, he lives for "Roll up the Rim". I could tell that he was feeling a bit sad of our decision, this may be an understatement. I quickly reminded him however, that the contest doesn't end until early May...lots of time between easter and May to get his beloved cups. I think that his decision waivered for a minute or two...what happens if we don't win anything?!?! I think this will be a good lesson for Lent...a very meaningful time to give up the beloved coffee and "dobutts".

Honeymoon and Retreat

2007-02-24T07:46:00.000-05:00

Well, a week til our trip. Wow, time is sure passing quickly. We're busy with all our last minute plans. It's amazing how much feels like an unknown. But even so, we're excited. We had a wonderful anniversary, and are looking forward to our delayed honeymoon.

Our time away at the Baptist Ministers Retreat was quite refreshing. Turns out, we were blessed with an amazing room! We got a 2 level suite with a jacuzzi tub!!! Dan Webster was a phenominal speaker, and really challenged us both in our leadership style and our lives to be authentic. It was a good time. As usual, we had fun reconnecting with old friends and meeting new ones. Such an awesome experience.

Steve and Logan have gone to Men's Breakfast at Woodford, their monthly excursion. I think it's great that they can have that time together, but I must admit, the smell of breakfast lasts on them all day!!!

Still Sick

2007-02-14T18:37:00.000-05:00

We took Abby to the doctor today, double ear infections :( No wonder she wasn't getting better. She has antibiotics now, which she is taking like a PRO :) I hope she feels much better soon. Logan was sent home from school, but he's fine. It was more behaviour than they are used to seeing from him, and assumed he was still sick. What bothers me is that it was 2:15 when they called and he gets the bus at 2:50. Why couldn't he stay just that few more minutes? He couldn't have been that bad?! Justus woke up as happy as a bug, but as the day has progressed, he's gotten much more cuddly/needy. I don't blame him, this is a nasty virus.

This is a very odd week in our house because it's the first time Steve has ever actually taken time off for being sick. You know a virus is nasty when HE takes time off! We both have been lazing around, not doing much. Neither have very much energy or anything. I'll be glad when we're all feeling much better.

You can continue to pray for us. We do see the light at the end of the tunnel of this sickness, it's just very dim right now.

We got played!!!

2007-02-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

This morning we were trying to decide if and who we should send to school because the cold/flu of the century seems to have decended onto our household. So, around 8 AM Logan starts carrying on and crying, holding his arms up and trying to cuddle with ME...(I'm sure you can see where this is going). Abby seemed to be on the mend both yesterday and this morning, so we sent her. The minute the school bus drove off, there is Logan happy as can be!!! ARGH, we've just been played by our son...but good for him to know how to do it. He's quite the little actor. I know he wasn't feeling 100% so I don't mind having him home. He did become quite lethargic this afternoon and had a nice cuddle with mommy on the couch. Then around 2 PM we got a call from the school asking us to come and pick up Abby...she was fevered and glassy eyed... :( I guess we should've kept them both home. She was asleep when Steve arrived at the school to get her. It's now 5 PM and she's asleep again.

Please pray that Justus doesn't get this nasty cold/flu...it's horrible. Wouldn't wish it on anybody. And he is the only one left to get it. Steve came down with it last night too :(

It's Difficult

2007-02-10T18:40:00.000-05:00

Some times being a mom is hard...today is one of them. Logan, Abby and I are all sick. Thankfully Justus and Steve seem to be without it. It seems to be a flu as both kids have thrown up and I'm struggling. The tylenol seems to be helping with their fevers/moods. The puke did Logan good, he tends to be 1000x better after throwing up, which I envy, but Abby is still pretty out of it. She is more like me, it lingers on and on...

The lack of sleep didn't help anything today. Thankfully we all got some rest. I slept for about 2 hours this afternoon, Logan catnapped and Abby slept off and on most of the day. Steve and Justus also napped, so it was a rare day in that we all slept at some point. A good indicator that something is up in our house for sure!!

Unfortunately all this means also that I miss church again. It is our annual meeting at First Baptist. I don't like to miss it but I also don't think this is going to be a quick bug. Who knows for sure though. My plan is to be home irregardless and hope that the kids will be all done their throwuppin' by tomorrow so I don't have to deal with that all by myself when I'm under the weather too.

sleepy

2007-02-10T06:45:00.000-05:00

Well, Abby has been up and down since around 1 AM. Steve was up with her first...she fell asleep around 3 AM on the couch, so he left her there and came to bed. Around 4:45 she woke again and we brought her into bed with us...the bedhog took my spot, and left no room for me :( So I've been up since then, but thankfully both Steve and Abby are sleeping peacefully now. It'll be a long day! I forsee a nap in my future, that is assured. I hope she starts feeling better soon, it sure breaks my heart to see her like that.

Eternal Embrace

2007-02-09T18:02:00.000-05:00

Call me sentimental if you want, but there is something about the discovery of these two people that warms my heart! These two bodies were found in Italy...a pair of star crossed lovers I'm sure!! From the reading that I've done, this is a very rare find. I'll be anxious to hear about the details as they come. For now though, I'll just rest in the romance of it all. It will be Valentines Day soon, and our anniversary. A girl can dream.

snow and sick kiddos

2007-02-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Well, this week has been an interesting one. No school Monday, limited therapy Tuesday, School (thank you Lord!) on Wednesday, limited therapy Thurs and no school again today. The buses were at least running today but we decided not to send the kids. As it turns out, for Abby, that was for the best. The poor girl is coming down with something fierce. It has come on so quickly. :( She's coughing and fevered, and she's very dozey/lethargic. Justus is coughing a bit too but doesn't seem as bad as Abby though. Please pray they get better! Logan is charged full of energy though. He's gone into town with Daddy to get a movie, and some tylenol for Abby. They are going to play outside for awhile after that too. Gotta get that boy some fresh air!!! He doesn't enjoy when there is no school.

Today was supposed to be my cleaning lady day, but that was postponed til Monday. With everyone home, makes for too much shuffling around while she does her thing. So Monday afternoon it is. I can't wait either. The mountain of laundry is slowing coming down. Seems like I just did it, but from the amount of clothing, maybe my memory is a little off...who knows! Supper is in the crockpot already :D I love my crockpot, it's SOO much easier to prepare meals as I can do it in the morning when I have the most energy. It's very bad for me to put off dinner prep until 4 PM because chances are, it'll be take out! So Taco Soup it is for tonight :D

Made me think...

2007-02-08T12:12:00.000-05:00

Shoes in church

I showered and shaved............. I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat.............. In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer......... As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me..... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side...... I thought, "Why must our soles touch?"
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine... But it didn't bother him much.

A prayer began:
"Our Father"............. I thought, "This man with the shoes.. has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side!"
"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on.
The shoe man said............... a quiet " Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best.. When walking through that door?
"Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought, Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud...... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters......... His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering....... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out.......... What the shoe man put in. Then I heard a soft "clink", as when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me.......... To tears, and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service...... As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors.. And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow............. And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer........ I reached over and shook his hand.

He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.
But I thanked him for coming......... For being our guest.
He said, "My names' Charlie.......... I'm glad to meet you, my friend."
There were tears in his eyes....... But he had a large, wide grin.
"Let me explain," he said......... Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months.... And you're the first to say 'Hi.'"
"I know that my appearance........."Is not like all the rest.
"But I really do try................."To always look my best."
"I always clean and polish my shoes.."Before my very long walk.
"But by the time I get here........."They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."
My heart filled with pain............ and I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize......... For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I get here..........."I know I must look a sight.
"But I thought if I could touch you.."Then maybe our souls might unite."

I was silent for a moment............ Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said......"And taught me, in part;
"That the best of any man............"Is what is found in his heart."
The rest, I thought,................ This shoe man will never know.

Like just how thankful I really am... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul

HAHAHAHA

2007-02-06T17:48:00.000-05:00

Boy, if I ever thought I could pull something like this off I would...make sure your sound is on.

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

Funniest thing I've heard in awhile!

Chicken Soup

2007-02-05T18:21:00.000-05:00

I just received an email, and my story has been short listed for the "Chicken Soup for the Soul with Special Needs". It's not 100% for sure that I'll be published, but they are at least asking my permission for printing it!!!! I must say that I'm totally shocked...I didn't really think my story would be chosen. The book will be published September 2007. When I hear for sure, I will let you know. At this point, Steve and I are just so excited! We may have two published authors by September!

Kids, Go Figure!

2007-02-05T14:29:00.000-05:00

Today is a snow day, actually is a school closed day. The first of the season. Most kids I'm sure were cheering this morning that they didn't have to go to school and could stay home. Well ours, not so much. Logan is very uneasy. He's been SOO mischevious today, tipping furniture and chairs, asking non-stop for things...it's difinitely wearing on my nerves. Abby's been a bit emotional too. The "normal" Monday would've been so much better for them but alas, mother nature was not so kind. It was blowing this morning, nothing now...we may go outside to play for a bit, just to break the monotony.

Justus started imitating a wave today. Over and over, Steve and I are amazed at his development. We're so proud of him, and all his accomplishments. He is one awe-inspiring kid. Love him to peices. There is part of us though, that is a bit unsure of how to deal with the situation of the kids and their autism, and him. He is already trying so hard to interact with the kids. Will his feelings be hurt? Will he learn to understand and accept that life will be different for him than his peers with siblings? How will he deal with that on top of all the other details surrounding his parents etc?!? One can often be overwhelmed with this...I sure hope that Steve and I will be able to be the best parents, and offer as much love and support as he needs. I don't think this will be an easy thing but I hope that we can make the best of it, bring the good to light.

Women are so superior LOL

2007-02-05T07:45:00.000-05:00

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She is sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always
carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my
husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, ...and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential
that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He
addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men..."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it,
because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to
get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I
can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and
besides, it is in the Bible that the man should brew the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the
Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of
several pages, that it indeed says......... "HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please
wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00
AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of
paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Outdoor Play

2007-02-04T17:25:00.000-05:00

As it turns out, we did go outside to play today. It was such great fun. The kids really enjoy their time outdoors. Steve and I just finished saying to each other, we should've got some pictures...maybe next time. I have a feeling the snow will be here for awhile. We've got about 2.5 feet maybe a bit more. It's pretty high on the kids. They were trying with all their might to get through it though. Good for the muscles.

We came inside for some hot chocolate and cookies. Freshly made even. Chocolate chip cookies sure make a mess on our new chairs though. We will need to replace the fabric soon!!! And they are just a month old. Who puts white fabric on chairs anyway!?!?

Winter Wonderland

2007-02-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

We woke up this morning to some crazy weather. It was snowing and blowing. Church was cancelled both for Meaford and Woodford. It was a different Sunday morning for us. We had a nice breakfast as a family, well second breakfast for Logan, Abby and Steve. Just spent time together. Sunday is normally such a rushing around day for us, it was a totally different experience this morning.

There have been times this morning that we can barely see the houses across the street! Winter is a beautiful thing up here in Meaford, as long as you don't HAVE to be anywhere. The snow is really coming down right now. Can't wait to see what it looks like as the day progresses. I wish we could go outside to play but with the windchill it's far too cold for the kids. Maybe tomorrow.

Bible Quiz

2007-02-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

You know the Bible 96%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Let's see how you all do. I'm sure Steve will get 100% but I must admit, I was surprised I got this high! Looks like all my years of reading and studying have paid off a bit. Not sure which questions I got wrong, but to be honest, there were some ones that I'm not even sure I knew the answers to, obviously.

I survived

2007-02-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

I had my MRI this morning, and survived it. I was sedated for it, as I am VERY claustrophobic. It wasn't too bad I guess, it was 45 minutes long and very loud. I got to listen to a Norah Jones CD, but the machine drowned out the music. I hope that I never have to do that again. It wasn't the worst experience of my life, but it certainly was surreal.

I should have the results back in a week or ten days. This will be a long week for sure! I'm hoping for a clear scan, although that will leave a lot of unanswered questions. My doctor will meet with me irregardless of the results though, so that is good to know. She understands that I'm having a difficult time, and will work to get to the bottom of my symptoms. If the scan does show something, then I will have more tests as well and it will be a time of reflection.

It was nice to hear that the neuro, that I thought had completely disregarded my symptoms, has the same thoughts as my family doc. Steve spoke with her yesterday about the experience with him and how I was feeling. *I may have said that yesterday, I don't remember, sorry if I just retold you info that you don't need to know* and she reassured Steve that they were thinking the same thing, and they will get to the bottom of it. The MRI should either rule out or confirm what they are suspecting.

If this post is difficult to understand, I apologize. I'm still feeling the affects of the valium that I had before the scan.

Clearer Head Prevails

2007-02-01T16:23:00.000-05:00

After a good nights rest, I do believe I am much more optimistic today. Doom and gloom are usually hanging around with a sleep deprived mom, or at least this one. Today I feel confident that we will be ok financially. After going through our finances, and seeing some staggering amounts of money going out, I realize there are many places for us to trim down our spending. We will be ok. We have to be. With three kids, we need to be. This is the start of a new beginning (again) but I am determined that we will succeed.

The kids were in Owen Sound today for their therapy. Steve said they did a really good job going into the office building, Abby knew the routine and happily walked in and pressed the button for the elevator. They are such great kids. Tomorrow is the same thing, into Owen Sound.

Tomorrow is the big day. My MRI is scheduled for 9:15 AM. I'm very nervous about it, but I know I will be ok. Steve was to the doctor today, and she said the results should take about a week. So, hopefully we'll have some better ideas of what we're looking at in a couple of weeks...

The Spoon Theory

2007-01-31T06:07:00.000-05:00

I was recently given this link and I think it explains a lot what I'm feeling. I don't have lupus obviously, but I think it's representative of anyone that lives with a chronic illness. It definitely explains some of the choices that I have to make over any given day and how much thought goes into it.

Take Care!

Sleep Deprived and Worried

2007-01-31T05:39:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting here at 5:40 AM typing this while the rest of my family sleeps. Abby was awake at 3:30 AM and up for about an hour. I wasn't up with her, Steve was. Then the hour later, Steve comes to bed but then he gets up again? "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I ask. "It's snowing and I have to move the van, I left it on the road, just in case the plows come, I'm going to pull it in the drive" Ugh...so at 4:30, I was left unable to sleep while he snores away peacefuly :( I wish I had that skill to be able to get back to sleep, or even lay in bed and doze. But it is something that eludes me. Always has, it's one of the reasons why Steve is the one to get up with the kids (that and I usually sleep like a rock)

I also have to say, that now is a time that I really need to rely on God. I'm a worrier, there's no two ways about it. This month we've had 2 unexpected, rather hefty bills come, one for repair on our van and the other for custody stuff with Justus. Normally I wouldn't be overly worried about it, but we leave in a month for our trip (the trip of a lifetime), and those bills almost completely depleted our SAVINGS for the trip. We also need to start thinking about the week in March for me to go to Kitchener for the training. Hotel, food AND the harness stuff. Just goes to show you that the best laid plans, aren't usually all that good afterall.

Needless to say, I know that God has a plan, I know that everything should be ok. But I'm worrying. It keeps me awake at night, and my mind races during the day. Why do I care so much about this? Why is it that money has become such a factor in so many peoples lives (including my own)? Why has our society become SOOO dependent on such material things??? God's always provided for us in the past, but how easily I forget in times like this. I think I just need a good swift kick in the rear end!

This Friday is my MRI, and that isn't helping my worrying at all. I just really want some answers, and I'm feeling abit apprehensive about this, considering how the neurologist treated me back at the beginning of the month. I know that I don't have the stamina to do the things I once did. The exhaustion is something that I just struggle to deal with. I've been having a lot of cognitive trouble as well as of late, and it just feels like such a "hidden" illness. I mean, I look ok right now on the outside, no serious physical markers, but will that always be? Will I always have to live in this unknown state??? I sure hope not, because I know I can't sit here much longer and not have answers. It doesn't help your physical or emotional state when you are worried about the outcome.

So please pray for us. Pray for the weeks and months ahead.

Not sure what to think

2007-01-29T19:15:00.000-05:00

We spoke with the school today. I'm not sure what to think of the story told, but I really have no choice but to believe them.
This is the story: Logan was playing outside at afternoon nutrition break, and was rolling in the snow. It was cold, and the pages shattered as he rolled over top of them...that's the story...Seems kind of shady. But I have to believe them at this point...I know that plastic is fragile when cold...BUT...I am having some difficulty believing this.
What's done is done. I cannot change it. And won't. We have some strategies in place now, that hopefully something like this never happens again. We also discussed the importance of communication, and to have the full story.
I sure hope this never happens. I'm relieved to an extent that it wasn't other children, but like I said, I'm not entirely sure I'm believing this one. But at this point, that's all I have to go on.

always the way

2007-01-28T10:16:00.000-05:00

This morning was a morning like none other...I got ready for church and put on just ONE outfit. I was actually pleased. I'd had my shower, my hair was almost done, I was dressed, and I didn't feel all that bad about how I looked. Then Logan comes flying into the bathroom, butt cheeks clenched bent over with that uncomfortable feeling; I just knew what was happening...the runs! The poor guy!!! So I proceeded to take off my Sunday clothes, and got into the comfys we all love to wear on the weekend. I'm home for the day afterall. It's cold outside, snowy and blowy, so it's really a nice day to stay inside. But wouldn't you know it would be the day that I actually didn't go through the entire closet to find something I felt good in! Oh well, c'est la vie. I sure hope that he's feeling better though. He doesn't seem sick, just the runs...hopefully that's the only episode.

Interesting Blog Video

2007-01-27T09:30:00.000-05:00

I read this , and I was very moved. I think it is a very humbling to know and be raising 2 children with Autism. This woman in the video speaks of her language and our language. It challenges us that people with autism are required to learn our language and yet we do not learn theirs. What has always struck me, in any kind of video or documentary like this, would be that the person with autism has learned our language so eloquently. Speaking very beautifully, and articulately, and yet we don't give their language the time of day.

I'm on the Hunt!

2007-01-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

Today was a sad day for me as a mother. Logan came home from school and we went through the regular routine. After snack, I went through his back pack for notes etc, to read about his day, since of course he can't tell me about it. Well, that is when momma bear went on the hunt!

There was this odd note "sorry about the book, it was broken over lunchtime, page pieces and pecs are in the envelope". I immediately went over to his communication book,looked fine on the outside but when I looked inside my heart sank. It looks very much like someone took scissors to every page of his book and cut the pages. There were peices of velcro with no pictures attached, pecs just sitting there. His only form of communication trashed by some kids in his class :( There wasn't even an explanation, nothing, just a meaningless sorry! I'm sorry but Logan deserves more than that. I should've been called at some point today.

First thing Monday morning, I will be calling the school for sure! This is completely unacceptable. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to say yet, but I'm calling. I'll go to the school if I have to. This is totally new territory for me, but I know that I'll be demanding more supervision in the class. There will have to be discussion in class about how valuable this binder is to Logan. It's his voice!

I'm just so sad for Logan, he's so quiet and passive, how could they do something like this to him :( It's times like this I'm thankful that he doesn't fully understand what's going on, and doesn't understand the social implications of it.

Please pray for Steve and I as we try to deal with this. We both were so heartbroken tonight.